Peer pressure or pressure to find peers.Doing what I wanted or doing what looked cool.I was neither a good cookie nor a bad cookie,I was a sad cookie…a lost cookie needing somewhere to fit in. Popping pills and pulling punches,Disappointing parents and disappearing A’s and B’s.Filling holes with the numbing sensationAnd numbing the sensation with lies telling myself “It’s OK…This is what the cool kids do.” Crying myself to sleep thinking it will be over tomorrow…Tomorrow never came…just more loneliness to comfort me.Depression led to more numbness and less expression.Less expression led to less happiness and laughter.What do you do when you have forgotten how to smile or laugh?You force yourself to laugh so no one judges the sadness and the loneliness. But now I can laugh…now I can smileBecause tomorrow is here,Tomorrow is graciously here forgiving me for the past I now regret,Forgiving me for numbing tomorrow away for the sensation of today.No more numbing…no more cryingOnly laughing…only smiling Though I have lost friends…where they really my friends at all.Your real friends help you remember how to laugh…how to smileBut now without the numbing I have found new friends,New friends who have reminded me of the feeling of laughing and smiling,New friends that are my natural numbing from my past. Now I have only forgot how to numb,How to push away…how to block out and forget the bad.I am now part of my own kind of cool kids,No longer a lost cookie but a found cookie,Finally fitting in with the good cookies.