Suffocating

Tue, 11/11/2014 - 23:04 -- Kerr


There are some days you wake up and wonder why her name isn't lit up on your phone

Or when you get news good or bad you know she doesn't care

So when you learn you might be dying and then you learn you're not

It will affect her all the same

Yet she wouldn't pick up the phone anyway

You know, because you trie

And you run pasther house and the pain of that is worse

Than the three miles you did without your inhaler

Because breathing without her

Is harder than breathing through broken lungs

And some days you can't stand to see the tree

Where she used to park her car

Because you think of all the hours you spent there and how they're gone

And you get mad because you can't eat bagels where you used to go to lunch

Or open up your box because it's full of things from her

Just like it's hard to open your closet because her sweatshirt's still there

And yet you can't bring yourself to lose them

It's like when the girl next to you in physics sits down

And she's wearing the same perfume

Your eyes start to tear but you keep breathing in

Or when you pick up the stuffed animal

From the perfect surprise date

You can't help but love him

Even though he's poison to your heart

And you plug in your iPod for the first time in months

Forgetting the password is her name

And seeing the pictures and notes she left you

You fall in love all over again

You start to wonder if it could ever be the same

Thoughts of her are intoxicating in the worst, best way

You replay your memories time and time again

And though it's been a year you still remember how her lips feel on yours]

Or how she traced her fingertips along your spine or through your hair

So mindlessly like it was their only job

Just as her hand fit in yours in a way nobody's has

And you can't erase the way she looked rubbing the corner of her pillow

Or how innocenty she slept with her arms around you

And you know every face she makes

Or her silly little phrases

And sometimes you catch yourself saying them too

But you don't wish for them to leave

Even though she did

-it's getting hard to breathe

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