The Suicidal One
Location
Ha, yah that’s really funny, that joke you just made
Suicide jokes always are aren’t they?
You know what’s even funnier?
Being up at 4 in the morning on a school night
Trying to talk your friend out of suicide
So funny
Or listening to them scream, and cry, and shout “I WANT TO DIE”
And all you can do is sit on the bed with her
Eyes wide open
Trying to think of what to say that might actually be useful
I’m really laughing now
The best part, is when you see
Cut after cut after cut
On friend after friend after friend
Again and again and again
Getting deeper and deeper and DEEPER
And there is NOTHING you can do to stop it
All those years of feeling how they do
After crying all night about the biggest and littlest things
HATING yourself, and your life
WISHING SOMEONE WOULD JUST HELP YOU
And yet… you still don’t know what to do or say
Because if you had figured it out yourself
You wouldn’t have thrown the razors on the floor in anger
Hatred
Disgust
And terror last night
You should tell another joke
Joke about how you’re going to cut yourself because of that failed test
Cuz that’s happened to me
Tell one about that girl who got cheated on
How she’s probably gonna kill herself
That’ll get a laugh!
Because it’s true.
Alright, I think you caught onto the sarcasm by this point
Maybe this made an impression on you
Maybe you’ll think next time
Maybe you’ll brush it off
Tell everyone I’m a bitch
Or emo
Or I should kill myself (Do you really think I haven’t already tried?)
Or maybe you’ll look at me in a new way
A familiar way
Maybe what I’m just said will pull up a memory
Maybe I didn’t have to tell you that what you said was wrong
Because I’ve made that mistake
Called someone emo
Made a suicide joke
I knew it was wrong
But I didn’t want to be
“The suicidal one”
I feel like every time someone tells a suicide joke
We all laugh
But there seems to be a nervous air that floats about
Because we don’t want to be “the suicidal one”
Maybe it’s not us
Maybe we don’t want them to know our friend is
“The suicidal one”
Because that’s what I used to do
But I got so sick of it
As sick and tired as I am of my life
So I give this speech when I hear a suicide joke
It at least shuts them up…
Because I know they are thinking
“She’s the suicidal one”