Sunscreen
What does it mean to grow up?
Well, there are many definitions, whether it’s the actual age people call you an adult
Or a feeling of real independence
It can mean no longer relying on others, or getting a job
But for me, it started with my family
I was growing apart from my family
My siblings weren’t my best friends anymore, but people who checked up on me every once in a while
My parents became stuck between trying to stay active in my life and giving me needed space
I was torn between holding on tighter or letting go
I don’t know how I feel about growing up
Part of me loves the independence
But the other part hates that I have to make appointments, pay bills, and even bring my own sunscreen when we go places
No matter how little the acts that my parents did for me were, I started to appreciate them more as I’ve gotten older
Growing up is noticing the sacrifices loved ones have made
And noticing when those are no longer happening
When I left for college
There was no more relying on others for safety
No more grocery trips where I could pick what I wanted without looking at the price
I could no longer ask for something, I had to do it for myself
I had to make my own decisions
And with those decisions came a lot of learning
I began to learn and grow on my own,
I found that I could have opinions different from my family’s
It was difficult to comprehend that I could contradict something my parents have taught me my whole life
But as I have started to grow up
I notice more
Not just what my family wanted me to see, but what I see for myself
What I can research without their approval
What I can participate in without them knowing
I knew I was growing up when home stopped feeling like home
When I would dread coming back because I knew my father would say something insensitive
Or my family would make comments about my outfit, my hair, my makeup
As if dissecting every little part of my body in the months I’ve been away would make our problems go away
I didn’t realize how much of a different person I had become until they pointed out all my ‘flaws’
What they didn’t know, was that those parts of me that they saw as wrong, or a mistake
Were the parts of me that I take the most pride in
Growing up means appreciating what has been done for you, but knowing that who you are now is up to you
It can be hard at times, trying to figure out who you are without the support from loved ones
But that’s okay
You’re just growing up