Sunscreen

What does it mean to grow up?

Well, there are many definitions, whether it’s the actual age people call you an adult

Or a feeling of real independence

It can mean no longer relying on others, or getting a job

But for me, it started with my family

I was growing apart from my family

My siblings weren’t my best friends anymore, but people who checked up on me every once in a while

My parents became stuck between trying to stay active in my life and giving me needed space

I was torn between holding on tighter or letting go

I don’t know how I feel about growing up

Part of me loves the independence

But the other part hates that I have to make appointments, pay bills, and even bring my own sunscreen when we go places

No matter how little the acts that my parents did for me were, I started to appreciate them more as I’ve gotten older

Growing up is noticing the sacrifices loved ones have made

And noticing when those are no longer happening

When I left for college

There was no more relying on others for safety

No more grocery trips where I could pick what I wanted without looking at the price

I could no longer ask for something, I had to do it for myself

I had to make my own decisions

And with those decisions came a lot of learning

I began to learn and grow on my own,

I found that I could have opinions different from my family’s

It was difficult to comprehend that I could contradict something my parents have taught me my whole life

But as I have started to grow up

I notice more

Not just what my family wanted me to see, but what I see for myself

What I can research without their approval

What I can participate in without them knowing

I knew I was growing up when home stopped feeling like home

When I would dread coming back because I knew my father would say something insensitive

Or my family would make comments about my outfit, my hair, my makeup

As if dissecting every little part of my body in the months I’ve been away would make our problems go away

I didn’t realize how much of a different person I had become until they pointed out all my ‘flaws’

What they didn’t know, was that those parts of me that they saw as wrong, or a mistake

Were the parts of me that I take the most pride in

Growing up means appreciating what has been done for you, but knowing that who you are now is up to you

It can be hard at times, trying to figure out who you are without the support from loved ones

But that’s okay

You’re just growing up

 

 

This poem is about: 
Me
My family

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