Sweet Demise

The moment I met you,
My soul knew to stay away from you,
For it knew you'd be the death of me.
Of course, my heart felt what it did
And I suffered the tragic consequence.
You took my heart and made it into something unrecognizable.

It ought to be a crime to mutilate someone's heart like you did to mine,
But you did it anyway, without the blink of an eye.
Yet, I crave the pain,
I almost love it.
Dirty sex, dirty lies;
You most certainly were my demise.

The person you once knew, they are no longer within me.
They were murdered by you and your beautifully devilish smile.
You left me to die after you had used and abused me enough
In a sad little hole with what is left of my heart on my sleeve,
Praying you will return to damage me some more.

However, I have come to realize the saddest thing ever:
Though I love you more than anything in this world,
You will love me never.
You simply pretend I have worth when it is convenient,
Then get rid of me when it isn't.

And I come back every time. Why?
Because you are my kryptonite
And I can never say no.
I am out of your life forever for the hundredth time,
But next time, things will be different.

You let me go so easily like I am a used tissue,
And it is possible that I may do the same to you.
But no one can tolerate you the way I do,
Because it wasn't tolerance I gave you; it was love
And it is not easy to love someone that tears apart hearts
Easier than tearing tissue paper.
And if you ever do, you will probably tire of them
As you did with me when you have taken their liveliness away.

My heart will never be the same.
It will never beat like it once did
And it may never love again.
But I know that it is in much better care
With someone who will not squash it like a bug,
But cradle it like something of value.
I was never something you valued.
If I was, I would not be this way.

Tattered, torn, dysfunctional.
Still, I thank you yet.
I thank you for the distrust I now have
For the people whom adore me, and wish to pursue me
Out of fear they will be just like you.
I thank you for the long, sleepless nights filled with tears,
And the long days with a clouded mind.

I thank you for the pain, and the good times too.
Perhaps I say this because I feel it is true,
Or perhaps it is because I am hopelessly in love with you.
You are my kryptonite,
And perhaps that is why I would never change a thing.
But I do know that I am tired of feeling cheap.

So I will play dead until the end of time,
Until my actual last breath
If it means that you're happy and my heart can rest
From the massive wounds you have inflicted.
And I'll always come back,
Because as fucked up as our story is
There will always be a part of me that is still addicted
To the sweet, sweet demise
Upon me you have inflicted.
Just bury me now.

Comments

Need to talk?

If you ever need help or support, we trust CrisisTextline.org for people dealing with depression. Text HOME to 741741