Tell a Lie that You Believe

Sinking deeper into my own feelings of concealment, / It's so much easier to tell a lie that you believe. / Before you start to say it out loud things like this almost don't feel real, / Then you start to talk about them, think about them, explain yourself, / And suddenly things just don't make sense anymore. / Are my parents my parents, or are they slaves to their beliefs? / Do they love me, or do they love the lie I tell them? / I wake up in the morning to put an act on just for them. / Is it sad that I'm more real with people I barely know than those that gave me life? // I'd be lying to myself if I said it didn't hurt me. / I did lie to myself for far too long. / To hear them discredit the person I really was while praising the person I really wasn't, / It tore me apart inside. / At least before it was just anger / A flash in that pan I'd forget about later / Now it feels like every word is a blow, / Like the hate is directed at me. / But they don't know, // That's my explanation, / The reason that they tear me down while tearing down the nation. / It's not me they hate, / It's all those other people, / But I am those other people, except while in the steeple. // I believe in God with all my heart, / At least I let them think that, / If they knew I wasn't perfect would they still be proud? / I think back, / to all those other times / when I was by myself / When I didn't think about these things / When I was someone else / I was more comfortable then / Because the lie I lived was easy / I'm was straight, believed in God /It's all just lemon squeezy / But now it seems I'm everything they hate about the world / But I can't keep living that old lie / I keep acting like their sweet girl / They tell me they have hope for me / That I'm the only one who can / If only they knew better / That I can never love a man//

This poem is about: 
Me
My family

Comments

Grant-Grey Porter Hawk Guda

Powerful expression. Always let poetry fill your life. Keep expressing your heart.  

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