Look at me

Look at my eyes

Look at my nose

Look at my thighs

Look at my lips

Look at my color

They all have one thing in common

I hate them

It all started when i was 12 /

You might remember that one pretty magazine

The one with the blonde skinny girl on the cover of Cosmo

Advertising “101 ways to style your hair” or “ 16 magical products to make you look 20” The attention away from the words but onto her curves

Welcoming my insecurities

to these thighs

To these arms

To this color.

At age 13, I was introduced to social media

Instagram, Twitter, Facebook

Pictures and pictures of people who I defined as perfect

Perfect hair

Perfect teeth

Perfect structure

everything about them made me envious

At age 14 I tried everything i could to look like those flawless faces

With every scroll and every like i no longer daydreamed about

Barbies or tea parties

But my mind was set on not being me being  but THEM

THEM THEM THEM i wanted to be THEM

At age 15 Twitter taught me “ the only way to get liked by people is by covering my natural beauty”

Which I did

likes and retweets determined my value

My face had thirst for air if I were to be wearing a strangers mask

Just to feel wanted by society

At age 16 I had no idea who I had become

The face that would look back at me each night on my mirror

Was unfamiliar

 

The guilt and disappointment slapped me

Reminding me of who I once was.

A million likes were not enough to fill the gap that I had created

Now I'm 17 and I have wiped away the other person

my fingers still crave the kisses of the screen

The need for compliments and likes

I loved looking and being someone else

But now... I love myself

I love my eyes

I love my nose

I love my thighs

I love my lips

I love my color