they never hit her

Left alone , all aloneyet the house is full she faked  her smile  because  with eher xeprience she believedthe world was cruel everyone she loved seemed to make  a point  to always raise their voice,giving  her fragile  anxiety  zero   choice
they yell, they yell ......they yellllllll, they yelled " really , you need stop crying "
she puts her rage in a cage , and  softly say  
", dont you think  iam trying ," full of fears she didnt want to engage but continued  in tears i am doing all i can to be strong , please dont yell , i want us to get along "
their tone rose  more aggressive , the poor womans anxiety becomes possessive as they continue to yell,  yell, yell.
"if you dont stop with the routine of  poor  lil ole me , your pyscho-self will  needto leave immediatly,   what you want my pity"
- she freezes , fight or flight , from the ptsd , breath , just be ... inhale , exhale ........ fail... pain and fears, then another round uncontrollable tears - she says with  sinere sincerity , "i understand  , i do and im trying to be a  better me  , cant you  see im trying , im so sorry that im crying , i sweari didnt mean to upset  you --
all they could say was " But THATS WHAT YOU DO!!, 
"youre just trying to make me feel bad,  awwwwe poor you  is feeling onceagain sad,psh yea,  i wont say sorry  but  instead,  this time , im actually glad youre so ungrateful , you should feel bad"
screaming and shouting
shouting and screaming , they yell and they yell
  ....  her head is spinning and she's starting not to feel well
yet  they keep yelling  ," stop acting like victim , im just keeping it  real ,
youre too sensitive and its delusional how you feel- you make everything out ot be  one big ordeal"
the internal shakes start to take place  ,  tears lingering down  her broken souls  face,feeling  so ashamed , as if her illness made her an unwanted disgrace - as she tries to overcome the  pain  as she pleads " im so sorry, im sorry that  im so insane -  "                         they  refused  see her sunshine in her because they wanted her in pain alone in the rain
they yell, they yell , they yell and   says  she talks way to much,  and says to little , either way she gets belittled ,
they yell , they yell , they yell and say your 7 diffrent kinds of  crazy , utterly useless and  extremely lazy,you slept all day and clearly have nothing interesting to  say. im a good personi always ask about your day and how youre feeling and if you doing okay?" 
her poor tender heart was being gaslighted and confindence taken over and benighted  she looks up with a  sad  glossy glare , stop and yelled  back THIS ISNT FAIR!
they scream , they scream they scream at her ,  - " I DONT CARE ,
LIFE IS unFAIR , !youre acting like a child i swear. so self centered , you dont listen when i talk or seem care about what i have to say , you can take a walk or starting doing things my way"
hands over hers eyes sitting thighs to chest , she softly pleads ..... "can you please just give it a rest , i promise you i am doing my very best.!"  
BUT she never leaves and  all their words she began to believe , they knew they could only control her if they controlled her anxiety and ptsd .they wanted  to control her version of reality ,  to make her feel like less.they told her illness would prevent her from being treated like the rest , ya know, with   love  and respect  .  so everynight and everyday , she did  as she  was told .  until  oneday she sadly  realized her heart had turned so  cold .
 left all alone, all alone , all alone when the house was so full,  she grew numb  because the ones she loved  were so  cruel.   ,  she felt that it was time to take permant life vacation,  she thought this wasthe only way to become the master of her own  creation ,she was ready to sail away into the abyss of unknown , eager to not feelso damn fearful and alone The future was grim and her dreams where haunted by the past.  she had no one to ever turn to ,so she did what she thought she needed to do  and thenthey cried, they cried, they cried ...............................when finallyRealized the  she had  died.
they yelled ,   they yelled and screamed , an d cried out loud
,"you should have said something , you didnt barely make a sound.....   how could you do this to me ,  you were always so selfish , seriously! "
seconds later  they realize as tears fill  their eyes , that this was one of their biggest fearsand now they felt the pain of the uncontrolable tears , the same ones she cried for many many years
 her blood dripped in  their hands , as  they  scrammble  to try to bring  her back , 
They yelll " she  must have just had a bad panic attack , please ,
please please  come back "
their hands over  their eyes and thighs to  their chest , " im so sorry , you deserved better , you did deserved the best , i am so so so sorry, i  hope your soul is  at rest "
 at last they began to understand that years of their verbal discriminationis what lead to her own obonination . crying , crying , crying ...... now all they can do is endlessly cry ..... they never  hit her but they did make her die

 

This poem is about: 
Me
My family
Our world

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