Left alone , all aloneyet the house is full she faked her smile because with eher xeprience she believedthe world was cruel everyone she loved seemed to make a point to always raise their voice,giving her fragile anxiety zero choice
they yell, they yell ......they yellllllll, they yelled " really , you need stop crying "
she puts her rage in a cage , and softly say ", dont you think iam trying ," full of fears she didnt want to engage but continued in tears i am doing all i can to be strong , please dont yell , i want us to get along "
their tone rose more aggressive , the poor womans anxiety becomes possessive as they continue to yell, yell, yell.
"if you dont stop with the routine of poor lil ole me , your pyscho-self will needto leave immediatly, what you want my pity"
- she freezes , fight or flight , from the ptsd , breath , just be ... inhale , exhale ........ fail... pain and fears, then another round uncontrollable tears - she says with sinere sincerity , "i understand , i do and im trying to be a better me , cant you see im trying , im so sorry that im crying , i sweari didnt mean to upset you --
all they could say was " But THATS WHAT YOU DO!!, "youre just trying to make me feel bad, awwwwe poor you is feeling onceagain sad,psh yea, i wont say sorry but instead, this time , im actually glad youre so ungrateful , you should feel bad"
screaming and shouting
shouting and screaming , they yell and they yell
.... her head is spinning and she's starting not to feel well
yet they keep yelling ," stop acting like victim , im just keeping it real ,youre too sensitive and its delusional how you feel- you make everything out ot be one big ordeal"
the internal shakes start to take place , tears lingering down her broken souls face,feeling so ashamed , as if her illness made her an unwanted disgrace - as she tries to overcome the pain as she pleads " im so sorry, im sorry that im so insane - " they refused see her sunshine in her because they wanted her in pain alone in the rain
they yell, they yell , they yell and says she talks way to much, and says to little , either way she gets belittled ,
they yell , they yell , they yell and say your 7 diffrent kinds of crazy , utterly useless and extremely lazy,you slept all day and clearly have nothing interesting to say. im a good personi always ask about your day and how youre feeling and if you doing okay?"
her poor tender heart was being gaslighted and confindence taken over and benighted she looks up with a sad glossy glare , stop and yelled back THIS ISNT FAIR!
they scream , they scream they scream at her , - " I DONT CARE ,LIFE IS unFAIR , !youre acting like a child i swear. so self centered , you dont listen when i talk or seem care about what i have to say , you can take a walk or starting doing things my way"
hands over hers eyes sitting thighs to chest , she softly pleads ..... "can you please just give it a rest , i promise you i am doing my very best.!"
BUT she never leaves and all their words she began to believe , they knew they could only control her if they controlled her anxiety and ptsd .they wanted to control her version of reality , to make her feel like less.they told her illness would prevent her from being treated like the rest , ya know, with love and respect . so everynight and everyday , she did as she was told . until oneday she sadly realized her heart had turned so cold .
left all alone, all alone , all alone when the house was so full, she grew numb because the ones she loved were so cruel. , she felt that it was time to take permant life vacation, she thought this wasthe only way to become the master of her own creation ,she was ready to sail away into the abyss of unknown , eager to not feelso damn fearful and alone The future was grim and her dreams where haunted by the past. she had no one to ever turn to ,so she did what she thought she needed to do and thenthey cried, they cried, they cried ...............................when finallyRealized the she had died.
they yelled , they yelled and screamed , an d cried out loud ,"you should have said something , you didnt barely make a sound..... how could you do this to me , you were always so selfish , seriously! "
seconds later they realize as tears fill their eyes , that this was one of their biggest fearsand now they felt the pain of the uncontrolable tears , the same ones she cried for many many years
her blood dripped in their hands , as they scrammble to try to bring her back ,
They yelll " she must have just had a bad panic attack , please ,please please come back "
their hands over their eyes and thighs to their chest , " im so sorry , you deserved better , you did deserved the best , i am so so so sorry, i hope your soul is at rest "
at last they began to understand that years of their verbal discriminationis what lead to her own obonination . crying , crying , crying ...... now all they can do is endlessly cry ..... they never hit her but they did make her die