Tokens by Nalisha Sibella De Castro

Tokens

Every boy I know has left a piece of them in my life

And 

Some have taken chunks of my mental 

Emotional

Sanctifying being 

Replaced by materials

Tokens

Constant reminders of their existence 

Mercilessness actions against my heart 

As I am one of the girls who’s life they so gracefully fucked up

Tokens 

When we separated, he left spikes in my heart that ached when I knew he had moved on 

He never really loved me 

His tokens were teddy bears 

Childishness mixed with first times 

And 

When he lied, he left his smell on my bed from the sleepovers 

He filled my head with trust issues 

HIS token.

Clothes.

The clothes he left in my drawers when weekends became irrelevant to us.

And 

When he touched my body, neglecting my cries to stop 

He left fear 

Disgust

Panic in my body 

His token

The keys he left that still jiggle in my book bag 

The ones I never gave back to him because he disappeared 

Desiring to place them in the palm of his hands, look him in the eyes, and kill him with the glass from my shattered soul

As I was forced to grow up and fear the effects of my body because his drug-fucked mind was too selfish to just leave me alone 

And

When he left me, I was engulfed with the heightens of all of the other emotions

It was overwhelming 

He too never loved me 

Falsely throwing the word around like it’s meaning doesn’t hold the power to kill

I am now left scribbling words on to paper in hopes for its magic to relieve the pain 

But nothing 

Will ever seem 

Right anymore

As the one person who once humanized me degraded my existence 

The one who once made me feel whole perished with the last bit of light in my world. 

HIS token 

A teddy bear 

Our son

And craze

I am left with the paranoia of what could have been 

It’s own token 

This poem is about: 
Me

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