Torture is done

I lay here bleeding
From a bullet to the gutt
You would think my mind would be on my life
What I have amounted to
The people I'm leaving behind
The way his voice sounded at night
How all I needed to cheer me up
Was the comfort of the accent I shall never forget
I should be thinking of how they will feel what will they think
I shouldn't be selfish in my last minutes
I should be thinking of nothing and everything
But,
All I can think is the torture is done
I lay here bleeding
Reveling in my pain
If I was normal
I'd be terrified
Normality, such a funny thing
If I was normal I'd be sad
I'd feel some emotion besides relief
But all I can think is that
The torture is done
I know longer have to act like
I'm Okay
I lay here bleeding
With a smile on my face
You know longer scare me
The torture is done
Thinking I've finally won!
Have I really though?
I lay here bleeding
And I don't feel anything
I don't think of my family and my life
Did I win or is that my mind tricking me
I haven't won
He broke me beyond repair
I should feel something as I bleed besides relief
And in the end...
As I bleed my last
As I take that last shuddering breath
As I die with a small shaky smile still attached to my face
I feel my last emotion
Regret
I feel regret for loosing
Loosing, my family, my life, but especially
For not being strong
Strong for him
For.. Who will watch over him
Now that I've been slain
As I took my last breath
I was strong in the end
I felt Regret
I won in the end
I can take my journey to heaven
And I shall lay here waiting
Waiting to be rejoined with the ones
I left behind
I was laying there bleeding
Broken beyond repair
But dieing does something to you
It opens your eyes
Dieing is but just one step
One step closer,
Or farther,
In your journey
As I laid there thinking it was the end
It was really the beginning
Of my freedom
The torture is at last done.

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