On the outside

My resilience is clear

My spirit is indomitable

I persevere-with grace and cheer

 

My work ethic is The Terminator

It does not know the meaning to rest

I struggle for success

And my own happiness

 

Give up-pish posh

I'll do that when I'm dead

I"m entitled to happiness

And I won't settle for less

 

But on the inside

I cannot deny

Underneath my toughness

I really want to cry

 

I struggle with doubt

I'm anxious about life

I can't help but worry, 

"What if my mom is right?"

 

What if I'm bound to be alone?

What if I have no say over my life?

What if I'm bound to be poor?

Or live a working class life?

 

Sometimes I think my life sucks

Because my social life is on the skids

It has been for years

I just realize it now-more than back then

 

Life is so precarious

And seems so gratuitous

I sometimes think

My birth was fortuitous

 

I've considered suicide

But what good would it be

Ministers may use it

To score points for their theology

 

I've heard it before

Some ministers are that callous

Calculating and manipulative

And wouldn't be surprising-full of malice

 

I need help

I need to succeed socially as well as bookwise

I need better insight

Because I want to succeed in life