Trapped in a Panic

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Trapped in a Panic
 
You will never forget the cruel, distinct idea of it.
 
It’s there in the hazy distance
 
But the mind doesn’t know when it’s coming. 
 
The black crow remembers your face and knows your weaknesses 
 
And there’s not a thing in the world you can do to stop it. 
 
Right now you breathe as if you are being smothered and there is poison in the air;
 
Quickly inhaling and exhaling as if your defenseless and belittled life depends on it.
 
The world is a still and silent one 
 
But you can hear the loud beating of your enslaved heart echoing all throughout your little body 
 
And you know it’s trying to escape the horror of the black crow. 
 
But this isn’t your story.
 
It’s mine.
 
Right now there are voices of the black crow creating more plans to destroy this reality
 
While it still exists in my head.
 
Right now I think of how that insane bird drained everything from what seemed like the truth. 
 
Right now I cannot speak a word
 
Yet I imagine myself screaming for someone to finally see this black crow and its selfish ways.
 
I want to scream it to the world
 
Though I know not a soul will turn their head to look.
 
I feel now as though I have become dehumanized. 
 
Being afraid is no longer an option;
 
It’s the only emotion I am capable of understanding.
 
I can now feel the tickle of something warm and wet burning down my cheek.
 
As it falls it burns through the cold floor like acid and my heart beats faster
 
Hope is lost and faith has disappeared. 
 
Here comes the bitter, black crow again
 
Causing me to think of everything evil it has done.
 
When there was so much love and passion 
 
But it is now locked in a cage watching the dreadful crow take over.
 
What am I to do now? 
 
I know now that he cannot touch my heart any longer
 
For it is too numb to function.
 
I am unbroken
 
Still the glass walls that build me have been shattered.
 
There is no returning. 
 
I know right now that the future is evaporating.
 
When all the unusual things have become normal
 
There is nothing more his little wings could strangle.
 
This is real.
 
This is happening. 
 
I start to count down the days until my last panting breath
 
Although it feels as if it has already passed.
 
The beating of my heart slows 
 
I gently close my doubtful eyes.
 
I am so exhausted. 
 
I sit here with my eyes closed
 
Thinking of how everything I’ve ever worked for
 
Everything I’ve ever loved 
 
Everything
 
Has come to an end. 
 
The black crow has done its job
 
Yet it still haunts me with its daring eyes staring back into my soul
 
But I don’t care anymore.
 
Let it take me where it wants to go
 
For I am forever trapped in a panic. 

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