A Trip to the Beach

i take a trip to the beach at night
let the sand pinch my toes and when the wind blows i get criticized for low eyes,
lies saying I’m okay but inside I cant hide, hoping these ghosts will fade away into the smoke I don’t blow, a creative mind that makes me feel high but I’m sober so reckless stress won’t go, sober thoughts, dont show
but at night i dream high and wake up with eyes that
fall low man i don’t know
plunging into waters I can’t breathe,
hold my breath for a few seconds but I need air to scream
flowing deeper into an ocean no one else knows

tell me how can I live when I’m criticized for just being,
black is steady growing popularity but the struggle inked in my skin is still leaking
somewhere inside, inferior black woman, straight versus natural, light versus dark, society is blind to us but i’m all seeing, all feeling, intellectual retina streaming but no action done because from both angles judgement is leaning and

I don’t know which side is right so I run

tell me how can i be judged by Christians for not having faith, and be judged by atheist for if I have some
kind of reasoning for a higher being because God is something I feel it does not require seeing, blind love,
yet at the same time I fight the God that denies love between two human beings regardless of their sex or race, I said blind love,

tell me how is it logical to study facts from a textbook and deny the facts from the Old Testament which lies from a testimony which is words from the mouth, words from the mind, heart and soul, divine love,

tell me how is it logical to study facts from the OLD Testament and deny facts from a textbook from research seen by real eyes which are in turn direct views of the soul,
don’t be blind, love

tell me how does the world make sense
how is it fair that we work our asses off but somehow we still can’t pay the rent
how we are brainwashed by scientific facts yet we still hold the power to believe what we choose
tell me how am I to be criticized for if I’d rather win than lose at whatever cost or expense
and if chasing after a dream of happiness was all life meant

you ask me why I have eyes that hang low and a smile that’s stuck crooked on my face its because when I lay down at night all these thoughts begin to race
and I don’t know what to say when you ask if I’m okay because honestly inside I’m just trying to figure out the world and my place
if I have even one at all.
I sit here in the deep darkness, encompassed in these intellectual waters
waves wash up against me with begging questions before I wake up on the shore

took a trip to the beach and now my eyes are weighed down with water,
waiting for the storm to subside, I’m writing to make sense of these thoughts I hide
waking up oh how the sand feels as it’s leaving prints in my skin
coughing down it’s rocks as I breathe in and out
s l o w l y

Comments

Need to talk?

If you ever need help or support, we trust CrisisTextline.org for people dealing with depression. Text HOME to 741741