u hnt my thghts & kp me up @ night (late night texts i never sent)

6/15/14 9:25 p.m.

I miss you.

You didn’t answer my call.

You’re probably at a gorgeous Florida beach somewhere.

The distance makes me realize how much I really love you.

Not having you next to me makes me realize how much I really need you.

 

6/19/14 11:30 p.m.

I'm lying on my bed clutching my pillow thinking of you.

The cotton is soft, but your cheeks are softer.

The pillow cover was just washed, but it doesn't smell like you.

The mattress has a springy noise that makes me smile, but it doesn’t make me  laugh like you.

The overwhelming warmth of the cover is making me sweat, but it doesn't have eyes that melt me like yours do.

But most importantly,

It's not you.

 

7/20/14 10:25 p.m.

I can say “I love you” in 3 different languages or I could show you without uttering a word.

 

8/22/14 11:32 p.m.

Your love for me is conditional.

My love for you is subjective.

Except there isn’t anyone that could convince us that it isn’t real.

 

9/4/14 12:00 a.m.

I have to be up at 6 today.

But your voice is too loud in my head for me to sleep.

I want you next to me.

I want your heartbeat to match mine.

I want to our lungs to share the same breaths.

I want to run my fingers through your hair.

I want to just escape reality.

Honestly, I'd probably sleep better in the middle of nowhere with you

Than I ever could alone, even in the comfortable familiarity of my bed

 

10/2/14 9:58 p.m.

We've broken up in the time it took me to write this poem, but my feelings haven't changed since I wrote the first word.

 

10/27/14 2:00 a.m.

I wonder what goes through your mind when you hear my name.

I wonder if any part of you still loves me.

I wonder if any part of you ever really did.

 

12/25/14 11:11 p.m.

I wish my nails were sharper .

I would claw through the bones in my chest and tear out my heart.

I'd toss it in a blender, broken shards and all, and mix it into your lunch.

Force feed you your own bullshit and watch you choke on all the things you said that shattered whatever it was we had.

I'd pour you a glass of your own poison.

Watch you fake yet another smile as you struggled to swallow like you weren’t hurting too.  

As everything we were makes its way down your throat and you have no choice but to digest me.

I really hope that you can't.

So it will be impossible to deny,

The parts of me that I already know are still flowing through your blood and forever wrapped around your bones.

 
This poem is about: 
Me

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