Undecided

Fri, 10/09/2015 - 09:36 -- awyandt

I am undecided. 

It's funny to me, when I have to respond to a prompt with "who I am".

As if I have 1/100th of a clue. As if I have lived a full life. 

A life where I found my favorite sweater and won't throw it away despite the countless holes and discolorations. 

One where I keep my favorite Polaroid of my best friend and I in the crook of Pride and Prejudice, just to keep it from creasing.

It's funny to me that they think I can accurately describe who I am at age 17.

So far all I have done is get grades good enough to get into college.

Not much to help shape me for the rest of my life and help decide who I am.

When I get prompts that ask me to "descibe where you'll be in 10 years", I get  an uneasy feeling in my stomach. 

Kind of like feeling that I forgot to do last night's homework of "decide what you are doing everyday, for the rest of your life", and it's worth 95% of your grade.

But can we really put a deadline on finding who you are and discovering what you want to do?

I don't even know what I am making myself for dinner tonight, much less who am going to be. 

Some of the adults in my life seem to think that is a reasonable expectation though. 

They say I need to know what I am doing, as they quietly question their own decisions that got them in their chair across from me.

But I know it's ok- to be undecided. 

It keeps opportunities open to me.

It gives me time to live my life through trial and error and make new mistakes.

And be influenced by different and exotic cultures opposite of mine. 

All I want is to make an impact in one person's life. 

That's who I am, at 8:01 PM October 8th, 2015. 

Who knows who I will be and what I hope to receive from my life a year from now. A month. A week. A day.

(I'll probably be hungry though)

 

 

 

This poem is about: 
Me

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