unhealthy release

I’m so tired of hearing the same things
“it’s not healthy”
“that’s not good”
“you shouldn’t do that”
no shit
no shit it’s not healthy
no shit it’s not good
no shit i should do it but i do
it takes it away
all the stress and the pain
the inexplicable ache inside
it dissipates as the blade slides
it dissipates as the physical pain overtakes
“how is it not painful”
people who don’t understand always ask
it is
the human body is a complex and amazing organism
of course it hurts when the skin is puncture
of course it hurts when blood pools outside the body
but its nothing in comparison
the slight pain from the blade doesn’t mean a thing
it can’t compare to the ache
it channels all the pain into something concrete
something understandable
they always understand it
or so they say
their words tell that they understand it
but their eyes tell the truth
the skepticism
the disgust
the confusion
the worry
the anger 
and the blame
they don’t understand in the slightest
no matter how much they say they do
they say they’ve scratched themselves
because thats what they think they deserved
they think its the same thing
but its not
they don’t understand and they never will
this need for release
knowing theres an issue 
but being unable to do anything
they say they understand
but if they understood they wouldn’t do this
they wouldn’t compare 
or say not to do it
they wouldn’t try to understand
because if they truly understood
they’d understand that it’s different for everyone
that no one wants to admit that they hurt themselves
that it’s not as easy as just talking it out
If they understood I’d stop hearing all the same things
all the phrases
that i am so fucking tired of

This poem is about: 
Me

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