You would never know walking past me.
You would never suspect talking to me.
You would never know that my laughter keeps me from screaming
Oh and that smile you love so much? It helps me from going insane
I walk past you smiling and giving you the support to get through your day
But I bet you don’t know that as I smile my insides are twisting with self-hate
With disgust and with emptiness
How can this be?
Maybe I feel so empty because I skip my meals?
Maybe it is my daily ritual featuring my fingers and the lovely toilet
You would never know that though
Because to you I am okay
To you nothing could ever be wrong with me
BECAUSE TO YOU I AM OKAY
This is not okay
I suffocate myself everyday to be okay for you
Because my happiness and ability to be okay is what keeps you going
How could I be so selfish and ask for help?
My illness and darkness is unknown territory that you choose to ignore
I will not be okay
Until you learn to love the unknown
Until you learn to love me