The Untold Story of Lyrae Tsunami

Coming from the continent of Africa

Born into a family from Paris, Tennessee.

My name is Darice

But you can call me Lyrae Tsunami.

They always say it's calm before the storm
Back in my younger days
Before I knew how messed up the world could be
Life was smooth,

A calm walk on the beach
Smooth waves that would come to shore
Cover my feet
Sand between my toes
It wasn't until I had to surf my first wave
I realized how tough life could be
Life came down when I was surfing that one wave
I wasn't moving fast enough
It came crashing down
Drowning me
Nearly killing me
The first wave the occurred in my life was when I was eight years old
Sexual abuse the wave that shook my life
Knocked me off my board
I was stuck underwater
Quite frankly I didn't want to come up for air
I blamed myself
Was disgusted with myself
Not long after I began to hate myself

I blamed myself every hour of every day

Accused myself day in and day out.

Told myself that it was my fault for being molested.

Not knowing that I am not responsible for anyone else’s actions.

I tried to change the way I looked

I had more scars from knives than I did anything else
My thoughts consume me late at night
One moment I could be smiling and grinning from ear to ear
Then a dark cloud hovers over me
I become sad and all I want to do is cry

No matter how many tides and currents I had to go through
I always got back on my board of life and kept pushing

Even when I wanted to give up
I kept pushing to be successful
To achieve my dreams
To be somebody
The waves of life have a way of moving you
One day the wave can be calm
Making you happy
Next day
Rough
And making you sad
Depression the second wave I occurred
Then the questions came

Why don’t you ever smile anymore?
What’s wrong today ?
I bottled my emotions
Developed anger issues and became suicidal
Because dealing with sexual abuse on top of not fitting into society’s standards was too much for me
I wasn’t the average girl
I was ten years old planning my own funeral

My third wave, suicide

Trying to kill myself more than figuring out the answer to this math problem
Fighting my thoughts that “you will never be anything”
My life is a tsunami
A powerful storm consisting of waves

But I learned to live
Enjoy life
Surf on top of the waves instead of letting them defeat me

I learned to enjoy the calm waves

With the help of God

My family

Friends

I am no longer depressed

Or suicidal

God has blessed me with many opportunities to reach my dreams
He paved the way for me

He made me a living testimony

Without the man above their would be no me

God saved me

Life without Him was a tough journey

But I am blessed that he paved the way

So I can attend Howard University

One thing that my life has taught me is that I have a voice

And through my hardships

I found my voice

I realized I had a lot to say

Whether it was to change the world or to better myself

I had something to say

I’m a black girl

A carefree black girl

Who's been broken

Shattered

Damaged

Have been for the past few years

I have trust issues

I laugh to keep from crying

I smile to hide the pain

My confidence is low

I have more battle scars then the world will ever know

I tend to push people away

I lie and say I’m fine when I really need help

I tend to try and take the world on by myself

Half the time, I hate myself

I hate that my weight fluctuates

My thick thighs that tend to rip my pants

And don’t get me started on my stretch marks

These black marks that people call beauty marks, I hate them

All these things I hate about me are me

I want to change me

I want to become comfortable in the skin I’m in

I want to be free

Free from my past that haunts me

Free from the damage that was caused to me

I want to be free of the chains

I want the noose of depression removed from around my neck

I want the oppression handcuffs removed from my wrist

I want these suicide bullets removed from my bulletproof vest

I need these negative thoughts to be removed from my mind

I need for this to not go unnoticed

I need

To say this…

I need everyone to understand that you have a purpose

No one has the same reason for being on this earth as the next person

Your battle scars are a reminder of how strong you are

Remember to smile

To enjoy life

Learn to take on the waves

One wave at a time

Learn to breathe

Relax

Not to stress

No one has the same story as you

I want these words to be like a powerful storm and be able to destroy the mindset that suicide is the way to go.

That giving up is an option

I want to help people find their voice

So they don’t have to be out in the middle of the ocean

The world

Alone.

Storms come and go but there is always sunshine afterwards

Make sure that you are here to see it.

Life ain’t always gone be easy

But as long as you choose to live

Everything

Will be

Alright

A wise friend once told me

Don't limit yourself.

You're a big deal,

a testimony,

a survivor.

I am somebody

I am Lyrae Tsunami

This poem is about: 
Me

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