View from the Dashboard (March 22nd, 2014)

I was 
terrified.

 

There were 
demons. 
They came back to play.

 

I realized 
the hectic playground
that is my mind 
was taken over by them
as I,

 

Paused my music
and didn’t get back to it.

 

Moved the back of my seat upwards
so I sat up perfectly straight 
with my feet flat on the car floor and my knees tightly together.

 

When I had to remember “inhale” “exhale”.

 

I was 
Anxious.

 

It was 
too dark, 
There were
too many curves in the road, 
too many times where the edges of forest or a small body of water 
Were too close to my side of the car.

 

The moon wasn’t out 
to guide us 
and to comfort me. 
A couple of stars 
And black trees left and right.

 

And if you were the one driving 
Or stuck in a back seat with me 
Would you notice?

 

The way my 
breathing changes 
The way I 
clutch my phone
Or count my fingers 
The way I 
shift in my seat 
As I realize that 
the darkness 
Was slowly coming back.

 

Would you have 
held my hand? 
If the only words 
I could verbalize
Were 
“I’m afraid of the dark.”

 

And would you know me 
Well enough 
To know that by “dark” 
Not only did I mean 
I was afraid of
The roads, in Ware, at 8:30pm
But I was also afraid of

 

My mind.

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