When I was growing up, I imagined my life

A sparkling fairytale

A delicately blooming water lily upon the surface

Of my reality

Everything would be perfect, set and ready for me

 

When I was in Eighth grade, it started

The ridicule, the constant second guessing

Hate your self

But love yourself

Be skinny, not anorexic

Be confidant, not full of yourself

Be healthy, not fat

Be happy, not obnoxious

Be someone you’re not to get by

Never look back

Don’t think

Don’t feel

No emotion no smile

Nothing, nothing is what it seems

Lose yourself in a shell molded just for you

Lips stitched shut in an upward grin

Don’t bother them with your problems

They won’t care anyway

 

When I was a sophomore, I lost my best friend

He took his life, leaving behind so many

I was 14...

His life was plagued by cruelty, and even after death it did not stop

He was ridiculed

Since when did suicide become a joke?

If suicide was the Oscars, he would win for best noose!

How dare you destroy the only good thing God gave you!

I know you hurt baby,

 I know what those voices said

I have them too

I feed them, my own personal gremlins

Growing in my head

I too have thought what it would be like

To end it all, to free myself from this pain

But, darling I will let those blades tarnish

Put down the bottle, please don’t tie that knot

Know that I am in here

I am here and I will not leave your side

Until that smile is genuine

I will worship your scars and the tears that fall on them

Know that what you are feeling

 Millions of others will feel too

You are not alone, not really

Because you, have people who love you

Even on your worst days

You have me, and I will have you.