January 29, 2018

 

 

Dear all those who love me,

 

It sits there menacingly, waiting

It’s come back around, and it’s ready for a fight

I’ve prepared my armor…my guns

I’ve prepared my bombs, medication and bandages

 

 

This is war…but I know I don’t stand a chance

Yet I’m preparing as if I have one

This war is not only physical

It is mental

The divide within yourself to fight or flea

That is the fight that no one sees going on inside

The simple fight just to stay alive

 

 

This pain is self-inflicted

I keep telling myself to ignore the voices, but as the screams rage on I can’t help but listen

The voices in my head are louder than my own rationality

I take blow after blow after blow

Hoping this war will let up soon…but there’s a force that I always forget it has

 

When it’s all clear I try to get up but somehow I am drowning and there is no water

I sink further and further until my further has become farther

It’s at this moment when I’ve lost sight of what matters…hope

So this is my letter telling all those who love me that my battle is almost over

I have pieced together the carnage that was left inside to say my final goodbyes

As I write please don’t cry for me, I love you all, for the thousandth time…

 

I notice the war is receding

The screams that were once so loud are now only whispers

Until they are peeps, followed by silence

I put away my weapons and picked up my pen

 

I have written this letter to record this moment of triumph

This shall go down in my personal history

Documenting my moment of victory

No one can understand winning a war that can’t be seen

Until your body has become the battle ground

And you, your worse enemy