Welcome to my Nightmare

Fri, 02/14/2014 - 11:42 -- Emily H

 

Welcome to my Nightmare

 

She broke another bowl today.

It was the second one this week.

Fortunately, she missed my dad again.

The dogs huddled around me

in my dark, cold basement.

We listened for hours to the screaming.

There was banging against the walls,

slams and stooping on the floor.

They were scared.

I was afraid.

Tears rolled down my cheeks slowly

as I held onto my dogs tighter.

 

A third voice emerged.

It was louder than my mother’s.

She threatened to kill herself again.

Fresh cuts painted her wrists.

She hated the world,

but the world cared for her.

She hated herself

because of the narcissistic, ugly monster

could only see her reflection in the mirror.

She was a prisoner of her thoughts and ignorance.

The monster roared at me from above.

She was going to kill me.

 

My dogs curled up into a ball.

They tried to sleep

and pretend this reality was a nightmare

from which they could wake up in a lucid dream.

I wished I could have slept like them

and escape this conflagration for a moment of

tranquility and silence.

I wanted to climb the stair

walk through the front door

and be free.

To break the chains

would feel like being a bird released from

its cage.

It could fly to the skies

to take in the pure, fresh air

and start a new life of joys and wonders.

Every day, it would see new beautiful places.

 

There were too many chains for me to break.

If I had left,

I would have broken their hearts

and left chaos to consume them.

It would rip me apart

to see them destroyed.

Guilt would gnaw away

until bones were left.

How could I call this place a home

if it wasn’t where my heart was?

Was I lost

if I had no place to go?

 

It was silent at midnight.

The dogs and I emerged from the basement.

Chairs were knocked over.

Shattered glass littered the floor.

A hole the size of a fist

was in the wall.

Tension lingered in the air ready to explore

like lighting a match

in a room filled with gasoline.

I cleaned up the debris and went outside.

 

Stars were shining bright

and the crescent moon floated in the cloudless sky.

If I ran away,

nothing in the sky would change.

No matter where I would go

I couldn’t erase my memories

or heal my wounds.

Until the earth turns

and a voice speaks out

to save them from themselves,

I will be trapped in this nightmare.

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