I dream about a girl

 

And I dream of her livid eyes

 

Livid, the color of blue-grey eyes

 

The first thing people usually compliment about her and the first thing she likes about herself

 

Livid, the feeling of red hot anger

 

The last thing people see and the last thing she can feel

 

Livid, an adjective that has two meanings

 

 

I dream about a boy

 

He can define his favorite two pieces of himself with one word

 

Gorgeous eyes that can take your breath away

 

And a broken brain that cannot produce rage

 

 

I dream about myself

 

And I dream about a battle that rages on inside of me

 

The person who played with My Little Phonies and monster trucks

 

The person who likes butterflies and the mud

 

 

My dreams lie to me

 

 

When I dream it is of two things that are completely separate from each other

 

Of a color and of a feeling

 

Of a boy and of a girl

 

 

The truth is what I see in the waking world

 

I do not see two separate circles or even a Venn diagram

 

In the morning light, I see that there is just one circle

 

That there are just two different sides to one coin

 

 

The boy inside of me does not have to kill the girl so that he can live

 

The girl that you see does not have to hide in the closet so that the boy can shine

 

Two letters can not describe who I am

 

Everybody tells me to choose

 

XX or XY

 

You see a set of genitals but when I look in the mirror I see myself

 

 

I do not dream of a girl

 

But I do not dream of a boy

 

I do not trust my dreams because they are my fears

 

In the suns golden rays, I choose myself

 

I choose the adjective livid