When I was 15 I planned out exactly what Love would look like

Love was tall

Love was strong

Love played the piano

Love was smart

and funny

and read books

Love was kind to children

and to me

When I was 15 I found out Love really was tall

He was strong

but not muscular

He played the guitar

not the piano

and He was funny

He read exactly one book in his life

about a living skeleton

In a fedora

who shot fireballs

He hated children

But was kind to me

When I was 15 I found out how amazing Love felt

warm

magical

addicting

amazing

infatuating

When I was 15

Love left

angrily

with the slam of a door

Love left me with a broken heart barely pumping in my chest

and a beating heart fluttering in my stomach

When I was 15

I was scared

I was stupid

I was sad

I did selfish things

I refused to believe I was hurting anyone but myself

It was My body

I would do what I wanted

When I was 15 I realized what love was

Who Love was

I realized that love was about putting someone else before yourself

I realized that Love was the beating heart

I held inside me

That pumped in rhythm with my own

So I smiled

I changed ‘I’ to ‘Us’

I changed ‘Me’ to ‘We’

I changed ‘Mine’ to ‘Our’

Our body

Our life

Love was magical

Love was warm

Love was inspiring

Love changed me forever

But not soon enough

When I was 15 my heart snapped in half

and dropped to the floor

Shattering on impact

To this day I still haven’t found all the pieces

among the tears that I cried

When the heartbeat in My stomach died

I cried because my selfish lifestyle didn’t just affect me

I cried because losing Love hurt

It hurt My body

It hurt My heart

I cried when I changed ‘Us’ back to ‘I’

I cried when I changed ‘We’ back to ‘Me’

I cried when I changed ‘Our’ back to ‘Mine’

My body

My life

To my Love

Who I was never able to meet

to hold

to know

Who was lost because of Me

Thank You for changing Me

Thank You for inspiring Me to do better

To get better

I am so sorry

and I Love You.

-J.W.