I don't remember looking up to him, 

but I remember him looking down.

I don't remember the gleam in his eyes when I did something right, 

but I remember all of his condescending words.

I don't remember him being there, I remember him always gone.

I don't remember ever coming first, 

but I remember all those you came before me.

I don't remember his strong embrace, 

but I remember his striking hand.

I don't remember how it began, but I know it works to ease this pain.

When a little wasn't enough I just added more.

I used to forget.

I used to be free.

I used in hope you would notice me.

But now I use to be anyone I wanna be.

Up this high nothing can touch me.

So I use just a little more to numb my pain until I can't feel anything.

And when I start feeling low I use even more.

I don't remember being sober and I'm too afraid to try.

I don't remember anything when I'm up this high.

And I like it this way.