A year ago, 

I had no idea that I was gay

I couldn't be

I liked a boy named Sam in second grade

My first kiss was a boy who I was convinced I was in love with

I cried over so many boys throughout middle school that tear stains marked all of my pillows

And yet that day,

When she grabbed my hand,

My entire world turned upside down

People talk about butterflies all the time

That feeling when he finally leans in

And your stomach flops

I just didn't believe it

I never got butterflies

What was the big deal? 

But then

As we sat on my bed

She grabbed my hand

It was gentle

Like the ocean running its cold fingers over the sand

A barely there feeling

But I felt it, everywhere

It was the Fourth of July and my entire body was on fire

It was quite simple really

Just the touch of her hand

Nothing more

But I felt it in a way that I had never felt anything before

After that, 

Life stopped making sense

Becasuse my dreams were filled with her

Because I couldn't be in love with her

Because why couldn't I love him?

Because why did it have to be her?

But I met a girl

A girl who made my world

Change from black and white to colour

My life became the Wizard of Oz

And we weren't in Kansas any more

And nothing made sense any more

But nothing had to

Because with her by my side, everything was possible

I didn't fall in love with her

Because being in love with her

Was always going up

And as confusing as it was,

Nothing could be wrong if we were together

Nothing had ever felt more right

Even when my grandma told me to pray on it

Even when my father told me to take down those pictures

Even when my grandpa told me to just date boys instead

Even when no one could accept me

I wish it had been a choice

Like everyone seems to think it was

I wish holding hands with a boy felt just as right

I wish kissing her felt wrong

But I didn't get to choose

It just was

There was no other truth that I believed in more

No God

No class

No religion

No words

Only that I loved her

It became my only truth

The only thing I could believe in

Because when no one else could believe in me,

I had her

And she held my hand 

As the rest of the world cast us out

And she told me it would be alright

Even if they never accepted us

Her love was like a warm towel after a shower,

A cup of hot cocoa after sledding,

A long night after an even longer day

Her love enveloped me in warmth and comfort

Whereas the rest of the world attacked with needles of ice

A year ago,

I had no idea that I was gay

I had no idea that my grandparents shame felt like a furnace burning my heart to ashes

I had no idea that my father would ever hate pictures of me

I had no idea that my friends would no longer let me stay over

I had no idea that my siblings couldn't understand that I love a girl

I had no idea that most religions would hate me

But even now that I know,

I wouldn't change a thing

Because I know that this is right

I know that this is me

I know that in her arms,

With her hand in mine, 

This is where I belong