clean and polished like a glacier

petrified stone shivering on a scale

so small it’s hard to figure out

why anything matters at all.

the microwave squawks like a

wounded animal over the phone

dead silence so heavy

am i allowed to breathe?

the collective lack of sleep

of dreams, of pillow-talk

like spoiled adrenaline shots

pointed into the back of my clammy neck.

i think

i think

too much

sometimes.

none of these other

newborn adults seem to get

the same attention from

the nothing that I do.

creeping downstairs as silently

as the dishes in the cupboard

above the sink who

tremble with every step i take.

cutting carrots at three a.m.

staring at granite countertops

sliding them onto a piece of a plate

to the top and a little to the right.

too much reality for a friday night

i thought finals were finally

over my head, being tested on

things that wished they were dead.

i think

i think

too much

sometimes.

glances out of the side

of those eyes

specifically the ones that

say they enjoy watching.

i am uncomfortable

for all of the right reasons

and in a constant state of confusion

and i kind of like it.

before i fall asleep

for about two hours

i speak the only truth

that i can teach myself

i think

i think

too much

sometimes.

crunching on orange roots

and sour dilemmas

i passed one test with flying colors

after having failed the only one i care about.

and i don’t need to need this

because when i do

i’m at my worst

i forget the rest.

equal parts disarming and

engaging, she whips

up a demolition derby

like anarchy rodeo.

shattering white ceramic

and calculations alike

a butterfly with sub-machine guns

there’s beauty in the chaos.

of predicted heartbreak

psycho-analytical martial arts

they use my cardio-vascular

punching bag to sustain themselves.

but other times i don’t

think enough about that

sorry for the belated apology

and for the dead flowers.

i’m my own worst enemy

a clever bully with sticks and stones

made out of fights that i’ve already lost

and hormonal substance abuse.

but

 

i think

i think

too much

sometimes.