WHY

Tue, 03/24/2015 - 22:32 -- JazKaps

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I love to smile, why? It lights up the room yet hides the truth. What really lies behind you ask? Deep dark lies? Swallowed by emotions, I try and hide it but I'm gasping for air. But why? Why are people so blinded? Look in my eyes, I am dying inside! So quick to help others, but really I should be helping myself.... Come on that's not my nature to. I ask myself, why? Why can I not just ask for help? Just for someone to listen.. To let all those inner demons go? Will they think I'm crazy?  Or think it is just a show? Sleep? What is that anymore ? Thoughts... My thoughts.. Always racing. I just want to close my eyes... I want a chance to get away from it all. Sleepless nights make for longer days... Another day that smile of mine tells a lie. I just want to be alone... Why? When I know I can't do this on my own! Ha... You knows it is a funny thing... Depression it is. No one really cares about its wrath until it is them under its fire. Minutes are starting to feel alot like hours and hours into days. Really... I can't take it anymore. I'm back in my room... I just want to sleep... Sleep and never wake up? Why!? Why!? Do I feel this way? I just want to put my mind at ease. There... There is a bottle... A bottle of pills that holds my soon to be happiness... One by one... I'm starting to feel its lethal dose. Those long minutes are now feeling like seconds. I'm getting sleepy. I'm relaxed. I finally close my eyes... There is my family.. My lover... My friends... They're all crying... Why are they all crying? There's me.. I look at peace... Finally... One by one they begin to talk... Talk about me. I guess I really made a great impact on peoples lives... What did I just do?! Why did I take my life! I really meant something to others! I look at myself in my casket... That wasn't the look of peacefulness. That was the look of someone who gave up because they were too stubborn... Stubborn to ask for help! The image of me and those mourning is disturbed with a ring. Wait.. A ring? I turn in look. It's a text from my baby. It says she loves me and to hurry home. I'm alive! I am alive! That is a sign! No more asking why! It stops now! I am important. I am worthy. I am me... I control my own destiny. I will not be afraid or ashamed. I will not be afraid to ask for help. I am not alone. My life matters, no more wondering why...

This poem is about: 
Our world

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