Why

Fri, 03/01/2019 - 21:45 -- mageelh

There's a way to do things

And I've never known how

Expectations I can't always meet,

But I'll never let you down.

What do they want from me?

What do they know?

Are they watching how I walk?

How I laugh, sit, and talk?

Judging every move like an actor on a screen

Laughing at my little mistakes, insisting it wasn't mean

But I don't know what they want from me,

I don't know the truth.

All I see is what they show me but their actions reveal no proof.

I've never been quite able to fit in with any group,

I'm awkward and don't say the right things so I'm never in the loop.

I want to be brave and speak my mind, 

Say what I want to say.

Somehow the words don't come until they've walked away.

It might not be as hard to them, or her, or him, or you.

But I assure you that in my head it's rather hard to do.

My stomach twists and turns in knots,

Please don't look me in the eyes,

My head starts hurting on the spot,

My heart rate starts to rise. 

I can't help that I get stressed out and sometimes start to cry

It's very hard for me to speak my mind or even start to try.

Because I don't know what they want from me,

I don't know how to act.

I analyze until I find the trends and behave based on fact.

Everyones different and no situation is the same,

Socializing isn't fun to me, it's rather quite a game

A game that I am forced to play and often tend to lose.

It worries me to not understand or know what to choose

Anxiety is no laughing matter, I'm awkward because I try.

I really with I didn't have to always question what and why.

This poem is about: 
Me

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