Why I hate dating apps

“Hey man, saying this for your own good.”

 

Ah yes, my favorite pick up line, please go on you seductive charmer you, you’ve already got me hooked, wrapped around your little finger, waiting desperately for the enlightening advice you are about to tell me.

 

“You're totally gorgeous man but you need to get that weight under control.”

 

You’re right! It never even crossed my mind before, I never even once thought about losing weight, how revolutionary. How does one begin to control their weight? Is there a cage involved? A shock collar perhaps? Or maybe a surgeons scalpel. When you say I am gorgeous does that not include this fat, this big, jiggling body? Is this not gorgeous to you? I do not owe you anything, I do not owe it to you to get my weight “under control”, life is not controllable, hell if it was I certainly would not be on this dating site talking to you.

 

“For your own health. I used to weigh 260, but I joined a gym and lost. Think about it.”

 

What is a gym?! You mean that place I used to go almost every other day? That place where I would run and lift and bend my body like a pretzel. The place where people stop and stare at the fat body as it moves? The place where people insist on telling me “their story” insist on telling me how I need to work harder, run farther, puke quieter, and eat sparser. I am not you. I will never be you, and frankly, thank god for that. And you know what the answer is no, I don’t love my body, I don’t love the way I look, I’m not proud of the shape I am in, but I’ll be god damned if I let you tell me who you think I need to be. This story is my own to carve, so this is me thinking about it, this is me considering your advice. You mention 260 like it is a heavy load, but I can’t even remember the last time I weighed that much, you have absolutely no idea what it’s like to be like me and if I ever do thin down, if I ever do lose the weight and fulfill your standard of “gorgeous” I’ll be sure to never give you the satisfaction of knowing what you missed.

This poem is about: 
Me

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