Writing

I recently wrote a poem A personal poem I've shared it with 7 people I don't know why But I was proud I let my feelings out That I usually cage up In a deep dark place In my mind With a key hidden in an abyss  No person has ever heard Or known about That day  I did the impossible And swam to depths of the abyss And recovered the key I walked down the trail I only know Holding a dim light Along the journey To the depths of my most guarded memories The memories I see when there's no distractions The memories I relive when I hear An utterance of the same words Or a have familiar feeling  I finally make it to that place And I open up the cage Let the rampaging beast of  Self pity Self hate And no self worth Come out again Then I realize this isn't a beast It's a caged up bird needing to be Freed I view it as a beast Because I despise my own self Because I hate emotions They are not always rational They are not a constant They are what I keep bottled up like a genie Only to come out for three wishes But for me These are not wishes These are three curses: Hate, loneliness, and detachment I cover up with words that make me feel Better I say "Emotions are for the weak." As I get weaker from the emotions capsizing in the ocean of my mind Then I say "Love is only a chemical in your mind to make you want to reproduce. It later on fades, making it useless" Knowing this is what I yearn for the most The reason I wrote that poem The reason why I cried myself to sleep Too many times  I conclude "I'm only sixteen I don't need a relationship now" Which is true I don't  I could find a meaningful relationship in the future But then I go to school I see the couples that's been together for years  And I marvel They beat the high school relationship stereotype Outwardly I express the emotion of disgust When I all want is someone THAT I AM NOT RELATED TO NOR A FRIEND OF To adore and cherish me the way I see those two I'm only sixteen I reassure myself But when I was 12 I was cutting myself because of body image Year before  I was throwing up the food I just ate To be skinny Another year before I proclaimed to the world I was a lesbian When I knew I was bisexual But I pushed the attraction to boys Out of mind Because I felt no boy would ever find me attractive Or would ever love me So do not tell me I am too young Better yet let me not tell myself I know that if I ever Ever Find someone to love me For me  During my last two years in high school I would reciprocate the emotion and dedication They would never wonder if I love them They never have to wonder if I'm committed They will know that I bring all that have to the table There is an infinite amount They will never go hungry And it is only catered to them So when I released the bird from the cage It flew freely and happily  For the first time in an eternity It chirped beautiful songs The sun started to rise  Into the blue beautiful skies Filled with  Clouds that I can not pronounce That I have seemingly forgot about In all these years spent in  A dry land  In desperate need of rain The emotions kept so long Clouds stuck in condensation  Began to rain In blankets And at that moment I started to write My poem

This poem is about: 
Me

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