flashbacks

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nobody sees me nobody hears me swear I've been screaming tell me I'm dreaming tired of running away from my mind somebody help me stop pressing rewind
I remember those days... days consisting of playing, being happy, laughing, days when words didn't hurt, days when we supported each other,  days when we didn't hurt each other,
Why Why was Life so hard?   Why was it so bleak?   How come Life was overjoyed   As it preyed upon the weak?       How did Satan reach us?  
I've been having nightmares about you after the sun leaves the sky, Every. Single. Freaking. Night. Telling myself that the info received is dry, would be telling myself a lie: I repeat, my nightmares are not lies.
I can only describe her in phrases that don't make sense  in images  in times of night  or metaphors. She isn't real and never will be again.  She's dead. I'm not. Ironic.  She comes in waves
I'm alone and can't sleepThere's no one here but meI'm stuck with all these memoriesIf they could only see
This is normal says the teacher Talking about the emotions Of a person in a book And suddenly I am not in the class   I am five again His hands wandering to places they shouldn't
Lately I am guilty of losing the little things:
It's about the locked door it's about the sound of a slipped belt trauma like brain damage it's about shrunken corners that don't shelter it's about hearing pants drop to the floor wishing ears to deafen
Inside, around, behind what's in my mind? Flashbacks tons of flashbacks. I wiggle, I scream hes too mean. I can't get away but you think I did it to  myself.  
A young girl plays in the warm sunlight. Tag, you're it. Running, Laughing, Living. Hours pass. Like all children, the girl in the lavender dress is restless. Dusk.
The room goes blank.
Look in a mirror and see a monster The hate inside, fighting to take control In school they don’t see, at least not really They see a person not a monster I see so much of him inside of me
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