self doubt

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I thought that I trusted youBut yet, Everyday I still question youWhy oh why can't I ever just believe in youEven though you are usually right, I still have trouble believing in you. But really who are you? You are me. You are my brain. Sometimes
A broken soldier in the quiet night dying to take back the light head high in a losing fight  to hide from those who know   with each swing, a child died not just his, but the one inside
Always afraid to make the first move Always afraid to fight and lose.   Always afraid to make the wrong choice Always afraid to express my own voice.  
Liked by many though I still feel alone, Surrounded by others but still trecking on my own. they try to understand my pain but they have different trials, though no one truly hurts me death begins to beguile.
to the girl who clutches attention like a boa constrictor claims its next meal you do not get to tell me how to feel you do not get to tell me I am not valid
The ones that sit alone, in the back, that are quiet have reasons. Not many can understand them
Dear Self – Doubt, How does it feel to betray the trust of someone who believed in you? Perpetrating as a friend, a perfect someone to depend. A trusted advisor, your logic a realistic perception of truth.  
Well, well, well Look what we have here, A girl who is useless and overwhelmed with fear.   I may be quite the criticizing one, But at least I know how to get the job done.   You screwed up,
Why can't it just leave me alone? Why does it make me go silent? Why won't it leave me alone? Why doesn't it go away? Why? Why does she have to try and explain to me what it means? I'm not stupid. 
I am not what I am meant to be I’m aware Yes, I know- A girl’s nails are meant To be colorful and sleek Not bitten down by anxiety and picked half to death
I am an ocean I am rough and wild and relentless Brutal You do not treat me as if I am Delicate Sea foam spun by the quells of love You look at me
School, to me is the land of strife But without strife I would not have a worthy life An unsettling feeling of failure sits on my head If I fail here, I will never get ahead
Worthless, you say? Well, Almost, but not quite It takes some grammar To make that right You see, "worthless" Spelling withal, Is declaring you lack any worth at all
If only He made me a beautiful nymph, Though I do not mean to question my existence, But I do. You know who I love, What and who I want to love, As who I am for that lover,
No one really talks about it It's a taboo thing Unable to accept it I try not to think I pray that I was stronger That I didn't give in all I think about is why me, why him
If I was an inanimate object I wouldn't feel the things I feel But If I was an inanimate object Nothing would be quite as real I'd never be sad
You're so pretty! Your face is beat! Oh my God! You're hilarious!   I love compliments. Conceited much? No. I'm quite Precarious.  
I don't need a society telling me how I should be  Skinny with a thigh gap and big breasted with leather tan skin I don't need my parents telling me what I can't do you can't go to the college you want
the feeling of a dream being broken realizing that the wildest and fondest conjurings of your brain will never come to fruition    being trapped in a well 
the lack of communication is unsettling to say the least thoughts settling in my mind to a time where paranoia never ceased life has got me on a leash but a noose is tighter
I could say I'm five foot one,
I just wanted to let you know that you are worth more than what I can show or tell or teach you.  If I tried, it would be like trying to encompass the sun in the description of a shadow. 
Yet
Sucking in the scent through swollen red nostrils.
The city's ubiquitous form floods the room Room filled with the scent of molding tea leaves Leaves fluttering to the ground in dead clusters never again to bloom Again, she sits, and stares and waits.  
Far from perfect So close to home Tired and weary Drenched to the bone Exhausted from trying Upset from the loss I give up forever Just tell me who's boss
What will I do in the future?How will I do it?What am I doing now?
There are pieces of me that that get lost sometimes,
All the shadows in my mind You push away and leave behind Every whisp'ring doubt and fear Fades to nothing when you're near   But then, every time we part These burdens bear back on my heart
A pinhole of light stabs through the darkness in my mind. That one single ray reminding me that all is not lost. My heart cries out, not for you, but for me. For the me I was, the me I thought I'd be.
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