parental suicide

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Really good to get, Consistency, Wrapped in bed feeling, Warmly.   Slowly drifting off, Peacefully, That cosy sensation, Securely.   Difficult time before with my sleep,
It's been long,  Struggling, Living life this way,  No longer functioning.   Sporadic moments of clarity, Showing, That life is not, Dsyfunctioning.  
Didn't start out this way, There was love, Laughter, happiness, Many crazy days.   Hedge jumping, apple scrumping, Door knocking, Brooking jumping, Hatton visiting, Kiss chasing.  
It happened so long ago, the memories aren't so clear for me to see. You were everything, everything to me.  I trust you would always be there, yet it weren't to be. Alone in this would, my life is so incomplete.
You brought me into the world, So gracefully, You told me you were actually supping soup, Happily.   The connection I had with you, Very closely, So safe I felt, Much security.  
Tried to run away in my teens and 20's, Found myself in a maze, Lost, Often at the beginning again.    This journey I've been on had huge mountains, Became very tiring, Landscape,
Shocking scars, The past, So long ago, Hurt entrenched so deep,   No words can describe, The manner in which it resides, No tears can make The agony seap.    Ever present,
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