Glow-Up

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A Christian boy in love with another...         is it really against the rules? I first realized three years ago, as        I was sitting in my chemistry class,    that the boy next to me was                                        c u t e
What’s worse than having a life you don’t want to live? How about losing one you didn’t have to? Death can be more familiar than life where I’m from Been to more funerals than graduations
Small town Same plains everyday Simple, quiet Did what I was told No questions  Only had tunnel vision comprehension
I remember the apathy. The uncoupling of my mind from my body, looking out the window as the Toyotas and Fords bombinated by in the dark. The top heavy tour bus rocked gently,
Hearing them shame her, had nothing to do with me. They weren't my friends and I said nothing so she couldn't blame me. As they laughed, I saw tears in her eyes and fear on her face
I knew it was coming some time close to now but I didn't have a single clue how Not even an estimation of time was given because adulthood isn't something you can immediately step foot in
Are you who you want to be right now? Not the most perfect you ever but right now. Are you, right now, the you that you want to be right now?   The you that you are right now 
School’s out, with my friends, it’s time to go home. 
  Fifth grade, the last time I remember feeling normal, The last time I remember feeling safe. One moment I was with all my friends, playing hide and seek,
I used to get so mad at you It was easy to be sad and blame it on you How could I even talk to anyone? No one understood But I guess it was always a long shot that any one could.  Alcohol to some seemed to cool
A year and a half ago This was when I realized I was an adult I was constantly surrounded by older people The ones I would call the real adults When I was waking up at ungodly hours Before Dawn
They wish to ignore our bodies laying on the ground They ignore our screams as if we  were clouds Just carelessly going about their day
I’m just trying to find my new normal Looking back at the photographs of my past twenty-one years It’s hard to look at my childhood self Even though I have changed for the better I miss the old me  
The air holds on to my last breath,  in the building of change,  love,  hate.              the steps towards adulthood,                           drifting closer and closer, 
The rumble we felt was our own, not caused by rough pavement. As the car slowed, so did my mother's ability to think. There was only one answer, I knew, yet it did not come to her. We were stranded, and she panicked. What was to be done except cal
Their once naive euphoria Prompted from accompanying their mom to the store  Or exploring the unexplored  Is now crushed as “autumn” approaches Now the world has lost its mortala...
I wish I could go back, To witness the elation radiating from your emaciated body As your cousins came home, to Syria, From America. To witness you tearing apart their backpacks
A light in my eyes fades As the stain of life stays And they all look up to me.        A broken and failing shell 
The road that lies before you is winding,  with both good and bad turns and time to spare.  Despite the bumps that you will be finding, people that you love will care to be there.  
A troubled sigh From dehydrated lips. A squint from drooping eyes. A shaky hand with bitten nails, wiping a frowning brow.
  A stranger knocked upon my door I went to run away To hide upstairs inside my room Until they’d gone away  
I am changing I wonder what others would like I hear people shout my name in the halls I see myself change to please others I want to be myself
if there’s a record for crying my mom’s coming to take it because my dad wants love and what he has with my mother ain’t itthis is the man i looked up to
Who am I? My childhood has passed by College in two years what, how did I get here? Did I disappear? I still feel like I’m twelve years old
In my youth, I only care for popularity, forgetting how to show sincerity. Friendships, real or fake that's all I wanted to make. My mom became my foe, always insisting me to grow.
Highschool.  Freshman year. Fresh new year. Wasted time. Fooled around. Came sophomore year,  and with it came  Academic Awards Day. Made First Honors, 90 and above,
   A friend, a sister, a part of me I loved you so dearly, but you left me You became obsessed with the image of an aider Rather than aiding yourself
Life may be easy, Life may be hard, And you'll always wonder, How it ever came to be. Life may take them away, Life may make you astray, And you'll always wonder, Why it ever came to be.
First breath First word A baby's firsts Sights to behold Seconds and thirds and each instance beyond Lead to new firsts as time goes on First day of school First new friend
As a child, I was told many things from my parents, teachers, and even television I was told how one must act, dress, work, and even think
In my family, I have two parents overprotected and traditionalist. I have two older siblings, an independent and smart big brother and a rebel and brave middle sister. And then it is me, 
When this flower bloomed I was 14 years old My breasts began to bud and my heart grew cold Full lips came too and my tongue grew slicker Curves came to the hips and my patience grew thinner
As a child filled with love and laughter   Not knowing the world could be cold and bitter   A seed that has been planted and reborn again, blooming into a rose that grew between concrete  
I suppose, The moment I realized I wasn’t a kid anymore, Went a little something like: “you cant call out of work just because you’re sad” My face planted firmly in a pillow,
A little version of myself, scrawls words under "Dear future me" on a post it, hides it behind a frame, tries to forget it exists.   A bigger version of myself, reads the words on that post it,
One day, she was so small. She hid behind dad who stood so tall.
From the prompt I got ramblings I can't contain Smile straight through the pain For me to obtain Happiness is as realistic as trying to gain
When I was young I slept on concrete ground  Due to the house holding 4 adults and 7 kids Now I pursue never too Youger me wanted to be like my father  But as I aged his life style became a bother
Two sycamore trees bounded by a vine who was just a seedling at the time. Where a trailing plant was once relentless on letting loose, Because it was blinded by memories
Sparkling, room for any shape.Held aloft, transparent and hiding nothingAt heights it seldom viewed, higher would it be. Not yet.Too far from any sight too cramped for any plant.
She was young, determined, naive. shy, yet eager to please.   She was  little with a big heart brave with all the scars to prove it, because in her little mind she had nothing to loose.  
"What happens when you die?" Most people feel too awkward to reply But I like to ask it to peel back layers Small talk is for uninterested fakers   Some say reincarnation
The ever-present emptiness I hadn't realized was there, Only showing in times I was surrounded by my peers. Being a child, naivety is an inherent trait, Granting bliss and numbing over pain that should be rampant.
Over the course of some years, I’ve learned a lot of life lessons that most definitely deserve some cheer!   I used to be a big pain in the rear,
If I am me then who am I?
girls know growing up as a girl can be gruesome.  expected to mature, expected to look a certain way, act a certain way,      talk a certain way, sit a certain way, walk a certain way
Born in a family filled with art, love, imagination, and magic comes a backyard as my Wonderland, My Neverland. A place I called home, a Symphony of laughter and music, much music. With food and color richer than gold.
Someone should have told me that my father would abandon me  Someone should have told me that there would be days that i'd go hungry Someone should have told me that no one believes the 6 year old who cries rape
Someone should have told me that my father would abandon me  Someone should have told me that there would be days that i'd go hungry Someone should have told me that no one believes the 6 year old who cries rape
Parents always tell their kids to never trust strangers Why though?? They are people just like me
Not long ago the growing pains started The pains that broke the broken-hearted The inevitable happened- I went blind   It was quite an experience at first My vision went from bad to worse
Not long ago the growing pains started The pains that broke the broken-hearted The inevitable happened- I went blind   It was quite an experience at first My vision went from bad to worse
I live on the corner of Hope Drive,Next to Sesame Street and Rainbow Road.Every morning I wake up,To the gentle envelope of my mother’s arms,the sweet sound of my father’s serenade,
Imagine you are young again. Innocent and free of responsibility. Not a care in the world, except of what’s gonna’ be on TV. Your excitement when staying up past bedtime.
The Door… Always that Door… Taunting, chilling, mocking. Heart racing, hands sweating, panic-stricken. Handle turning, hand on my back, gentle but firm push, through the Door, closing click.
I look back to my youth My pride, joy, confidence Like a bullet proof suit Now I stay in the confines of my room 1 2 3 4 Walls containing my pain But when, when did it all change
Six, seven, eight, nine, Growing up I would find an interest in writing my own stories. And those stories, cheap imitations of novels I had read, featured characters unlike me.  
The day I could walk into a room,  Without fear of the walls caving in And people’s stern glances  it became clear to me That’s I was growing,
Feelings. Happy, or confused?   Both but neither.   Growing pains, rolling around in bed, unable to fall asleep.
I realized I was grown up When I learned to apply makeup And when I went through my first break up There were a lot of things that molded me Into everything I wanted to be
I was 14 and pregnant, and didn't even know As soon as I found out, I was about to explode. A freshman in high school, still barely a kid, "Is she going to finish high school?" was the new bid.
To my Mother: Remember the New Years Eve fight around cocktail shrimp and southern fried catfish? I told you, 'You abandoned me when I was Eight" It's true I was wild but you gave up on me
Sitting against our coffee table I let out a sigh I'll never understand what my mom see's in this movie The movie is near ending I'm near rejoicing Yet somehow my mom is crying   Time pasts
One Day One day we were kids playing with dolls One Accident One accident forces us to grow up One Year One year to spend with a loved one as a caretaker One Responsibility
What do you look back and see now that you are all grown up  We go through things that might shake us up But it will never tear or break us down someday maybe up some down 
I grew up when I moved to the desert 400 people "Nothing to do" Living alone for the first time Busying myself Learning to neighbor This is my college education To depend on myself
It was in my first month of being twenty years old that I watched The Little Prince for the first time I never knew what it meant to worry for my heart until I finished the movie
Wings pushing the soft shell of the egg, mothered and protected in a small bed. My first words were spoken from cries and screams,  the shell had broken while my mother fed. While the contorted winds blew, and the big white eye stared, my parents
Just because He can't spell does not mean hes stupid Just because she can't read does not mean shes unsuited Just because They can't walk does not make them wounded Simple things are not always simple for all
I used to sit at  home, breathing all alone then  one day i changed, it    was never the same. I realized I was closed to the world that always    shows, the many ways 
As you mixed tomatoes in the rice You gave the rulebook for adolescence I spat in your face and larked unincited
As you mixed tomatoes in the rice You gave the rulebook for adolescence I spat in your face and larked unincited
I'm sorry Is what I want to say to you Remember when we strolled around the town  and bathed in the waving shade of trees  We were so small then  and the world was small too
A Sleepover Invitation     Where we planned to stay up all night   But the air was cold so we got in bed  
I can remember wishing I had lighter skin Ashamed that my melanin didn’t fit in Her Ivory skin Tulip lips Seafoam eyes stared at me
  When did I realize I was not a kid anymore? It wasn’t when I stopped begging my mom for candy at the store. Not when I stopped looking forward to watching a Saturday morning cartoon.
Happy giggles as she trips, out of breath laughter.
As a child, I thought things were mundane and simple But everything changed the day I got my first pimple. A mix of depression and hormones, I thought of naught Except for the notion that happiness can't be bought.
I’m grown  I gotta live life on my own I have my own house  That I own Adulting is what I need to learn From whom? 
The hot granules of sand on my feet; its shape every changing betwixt my toes.This is the meaning of childhood. The bubbly sound of laughter, delighted screams ring about my eardrums. This is the meaning of childhood.
Disney movies teach us to be kind and love others. Give your heart to those who need it.  Make others happy, it will make you happy.  But when is it too much? Here are my toys. Play with them as much as you want.
Politics were always a bore. But when I started to like learning about politics, I realized I was not a kid anymore. Learning about politics has not only increased my awareness, but also made me less careless.
I wish to be innocent Now I look back at the things I did Clocks tick faster The mistakes plaster   Starting young From age one Where I begun   So small So sweet
There’s nothing you can do to stop it. It will happen with or without you. Eleven years all on your own. Well, just you and those other two. Brother! Sister! Twins! Brother! You’re the oldest sibling now!
i crack my back when sitting   i slouch my back when standing   but, i won’t bend my back to heed to you and your arrogance when i am being me.
I exist everywhere, I am everything   I am no longer watching my surroundings.   I touch my skin and feel the brownie look of it, The roots that travel along my epidermis
I see myself walking in a line behind several people. In the distance I see a stage, Looking around I see a crowd of blurry faces, My feet feel heavy like cinder blocks. I continue to drag on.
I’ve had my ups and I’ve had my Downs I’ve had my bumps and I’ve had my Frowns As a child I was innocent, creative and  Playful I had lots of friends, toys and just Able
I am alone Yet I don’t feel it I am told every day I am lonely That I must be sad Yet I feel fine If I was alone Wouldn’t I feel sad If I was alone Wouldn’t I cry for something to fill it
On to the next place she was on to the next mistake another man who promised her the world.   As her dreams came crashing to a halt did she wonder what would become of me?
I packed my bags and got on the plane the same plane that had carted me across the world five years prior   I thought my childhood was ending then ripping me away from what was familiar
I felt it in the wind knotting my hair. I felt it as my eyes squinted to the sun. I felt it as the radio played And the air blew on my face.   I was in control Of life, fate, and death.
Once upon a time, I became me. Little to big, I grew like a tree. It was a good time, being so small, One day, I hoped to be tall. Trees were my muse,
Growing up was never hard, It was always easy; at least for me it was.   I didn’t come from a hood, not a city and no barrio.   I came from a home where love was always shown,
Standing in front of my mirror Looking at my own reflection The only thing I see Is someone who isn’t me   I squeeze my stomach with my hands Hoping it would go in I wiggle my arms around
I told you that I loved you Even though I knew it was not true My mind was simply on sex And I didn’t know what to do   You said “If your love is true” Then I would wait for you
God created each and every one of us different and unique. Some people are large, medium or petite. Body image shouldn’t be compared to every teen. For it is cruel and very mean.  
Highschool. College preparation, scholarships, grades Weed, alcohol, making out Living up to every non expectation Stereotypical, but the polar opposite It wasn't when I found myself walking through the gates
When I was ten I learned of ends. I moved away from my best friends. My eyes were dry, they said "goodbye" That was the hottest day in July. Since then I have made my amends.
It took a while. Until I could look up at the sky and instead of hiding myself out loud, start living for the sun behind the clouds. Start looking for those lemonade skies and imagine flying by.
We met when we were eleven. We had a group of friends, but they all fell away one-by-one. We were the only two that stayed.   We spent our nights baking cakes together
A separated pictureA depressed fatherA confused motherAn unphased older brotherAn innocent little brotherAnd me, trying to hold everyone togetherFighting the words and paperwork while holding back tears
elementary wen i grow up i want to sav the world recess *bell rings* we r going to be best friends i dont want dad to hurt mommy middle school They dnt understand My life isn't normal
They didn't tell me it would be like this.That days of freedom would be drowned out by days ridden with anxiety.I knew it was gone for good, the confidence found in innocence.
I never knew I could love someone who had so many demons in his past life. I told myself I would find a man that had no damagning baggage,  a man that could never describe to me what an inside of a jail cell looked like, 
I was filled with child-like joy. Driving my car out of town for the first time after getting my license. But with my hands on the wheel, I realized. You can't drive and enjoy the views of the side road at the same time.
One, Two I tripped over your shoe Three, Four I stayed there on the floor Five, Six Next to a collection of sticks Seven, Eight It's getting late Nine, Ten
The feeling of his heartbeat through my sweater. 
Everyone told me to work hard. So I did. The past blended into the present into the future. It was once rough to the touch, like a potato sack. Now it's faded, a green-gray expanse of old sunbeams and bitter stains.
A new planted sapling takes time to grow. With care and with patience it learns to grow strong. The wind beats against it,  And pushes it down, But that little sapling will forever push on.
Things seem to go very fast Little kids running through the grass Not a worry in the world Then you look up an you're reading the Omaha World Herald You think to yourslef, wow this is very strange
She went back to her room where her favorite song was just ending at the best part. The little twinkles that faded with a high D flat that made her emotions fall apart.  
I know the world doesn't revolve around me but nobody sees the things that I see no one feels the pain I so often breathe push others away, they'd never believe  of the pain that I so often breathe  
before the sun bore down on the days of sunflower yellow and make believe dreams of a pink frilly gown i’d bellow, “hello, scarecrows, hello!”  
return to saturn my worries take a new form i must grow, blossom 
Before you leave my room shut the door, We’ve talked about this before.   For the love of pearl chew with your mouth closed, Oh girl, I know that Instagram was posed.  
When I was young, It was gray, Mostly, Normal, Or at least I thought, What is a neutral feeling?Truly, I didn’t know,
You are changed by the decisions you make, as well as the one’s you don’t Decisions of love are often done blind Taking advantage of the first sign of your deepest insecurities
A piece of paper All that is left At the end of the long-wrought road. Four years of memories Four years of work Four years of teachers Four years of friends
It was abrupt when I shattered a clock, hurled it to the ground, stomped and smushed it flat, kicked it off, aside and left you kneeling,
One of my desires is that those insecurities, So rusted and worn they scarcely show displease.
Mom? Please dont leave... I need you as a guide..keep breathing If youre gone I dont have much. Ive gotten a job, I want to help pay for hospital bills. Just please stay im only 17 now i still need you.
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