'glow-up grow up scholarship slam'
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The young and naïve thirteen year old me
Had no idea know who she could be
Following trends other people set
She hadn’t found herself just quite yet
With every big and small change made
As a little girl, I always had trouble forming close friendships.
Maybe it was due to my inherent shyness,
but two or three buddies were the cut-off for the fellowships,
because of a strange shortage of kindness.
When I was a kid my parents took care of me,
I didn’t think much of it, so I let it be.
Now that I’m older I see the suffering,
And I can’t help myself from wondering
When did I grow up?
A baby. The burgeoning garden and the fading day,
“You’ve gotten so big!”.
A shadow stretched taught, the gradient moon,
a falling leaf.
How many times will I be born? And in whose arms will I be held?
Children obesses over the little things in life
They want candy and toys
Adults realize that these are not what makes life worth living
It does not matter who has the most candy or who is the coolest girl or boy
Side by side we stood
Cake, cuddles, cliques
Naïve playful jokes
Through the phone we texted
Shakes, sharing, snakes
Rude words on the screen
Parties I don’t belong at
No, listen.
Heavy hands press down my shoulders
Study harder, swim faster.
My feet shuffle forward obediently
No fight, no flight.
When I started making decisions on my own,
That’s when I first realized,
I was growing up.
When I applied for college,
Left home and moved into the dorms,
Set up several ‘back-up’ alarms,
In elementary school, I
gained so much knowledge about all the
rarity in the world. Alphabets,
elephants, and fractions. No matter
Being the oldest of three gave me the unspoken job
To be their guardian angel and hold them when they sob
Riding the train by myself to me was the biggest sign that proved that I was finally moving up in the world. A sign that I was moving into adulthood.
Gazing into the mirror is like peering into two different lifetimes.
Because I still look the same,
And yet everything else has changed.
And I can’t remember the day I realized that nothing was the same.
Everyone knows
the story of
the ugly duckling
that turned out
to be a
beautiful swan:
Eyes that were once
When my bedtime storybooks turned into schools gobbledygook,
And sidewalk chalk became just a memory,
I knew it was the end.
The end of silly songs,
I used to play outside and enjoy the sun
I was oblivious to world problems
I was an only child,
which was the best time of my life
And I used to be carefree
But then I stopped going outside
You can be whoever you want to be,
They say
Twelve years of stigma can trap you no more
Graduation has rendered you malleable
You can wear dresses
When all you’ve ever worn is jeans
I never thought that working would save my brain
From a spiral of reflections with wanton gain
As I grow up I cover myself in a shell
i listen to ghostin by ariana and cry
i feel her pain when she confesses
“he just comes to visit me when i’m dreaming every now and then”
i cry because he is the one i’ve lost
I walk into my English class the day of orientation.
I size up my peers. My competition.
To get to where I want to be I have to beat all of them.
Stanford only takes one student per school each year.
Bright-eyed kid, nose turned straight up
Staring at fluffy clouds swiftly passing by
Grey in the mind, white in the sky
A dreamy state that would soon corrupt
Tall palm trees shimmy in the soft breeze,
Standing tall like soilders,
Guarding the colossal college walls.
Daunting yet appealing waves wash over me,
As my bold reflection stares back at me,
Change is inevitable.
Young or old.
Questions change
From “What is your favorite school subject?”
Hello Germany!
How do you do?
My name is Sister B,
And really I haven't a clue!
From what I've heard,
Your culture is great,
But this is all kind of absurd!
I'm only 19 for Pete's sake!
There's a lady I know that stands on the road
Everyday I watch her struggle with her load
I watch her banter with the other women as she sets up
She laughs as she unwraps corn and drinks from the same cup
Growing and Growth are two different things
While anyone can grow does everyone have growth?
Growth becomes part of a mindset
For the longest I was growing but didn’t have much growth
I did what I wanted
I’m your identity
You never really noticed me
You played and laughed like the other kids
Oh fuck
This is what they Meant
When they said start being an adult
Well pump the brakes, put me in reverse
So ignorant and young
To not know the truth of it all
That things once pieced together
Could fall apart
Not easily mended
Things would be broken unintended
Wishful thinking will not solve anything
The relationship between
A daughter and a mom
Is one that begins with love and laughter
But then turns into a ticking time bomb
We start off life bright eyed and bushy tailed.Everyone is in our corner,Telling us that the world is our oyster,And we can be whatever we want to be.
Being young made for bliss,
not even thinking what's behind the mist in my eyes,
or even knowing there was such a thing.
I lived in the center of the room, everyone's eyes on me.
Observing
Gazing at others through an eyeglass
Each life as intricate as my own
I wonder,
If I had never flown
Would I have ever known?
As passersby scramble
I continue to gamble
Eyes open, wide and bloodshot,
I take in the scene:
My mother lying on the earth
In her torn dress,
Chiffon and glitter freckling the dirt
We all played dollhouse in our big house, and we all doused in the pool-house.
We played farmhouse at the schoolhouse, and like jumping mouse in the fieldhouse.
When I grow up, I want to be a doctor,
But those who were created to mold me are destroying my universe.
I wanted to play doctor and princesses,
But here I am with my arms being home to my siblings.
Teddy bears watch and lullabies play,
mother sings to me,
Her voice so soft and carefree,
life is so simple
eat, sleep and repeat.
Toddler years I'm like a bull,
It was then
When the skyscrapers seemed smaller
That I realized that I had grown taller
A shrinking metropolis
An appropriate tribute to the moments passed by
With rust from time
The past holds memories of hesitation
of awe
of hope
From young adults seemingly perfect
seemingly put together
seemingly enjoying everything
Now my eyes have opened
With my father when I was ten
I remember being shook to the core
As that was the day I found
That my pity tears worked no more
Before, I would fake cry for mommy
So he would take me for pizza and ice cream
Daddy is drinking again. Mama is too.
Sister and brother, too little to understand. I'm eight, aren't I little, too?
Hard ground, river roaring as daddy is snoring.
When do we sleep in a house with a real bed?
He was my knight shining through the dark
No matter what others said they knew
He was always the light shining through
Even if he did always hit the mark.
Not long ago
In a house small and cozy
A friend came to visit,
A man sweet and rosy.
He made me an offer
Hard to refuse,
But I had other plans
Ones I'd much rather choose.
I can't tell if I'm growing up or just aging. Everything has changed yet I still feel the same. Stuck in the same old playground, but this time, I'm all alone. When my dreams began to change and wither away like my age.
Shining new souls, delicate and bright,
Disfigured and mangled over time.
A mother, dependent, oozes her insidious defects unto them,
awakes the next day, oblivious and ignorant.
A father,
I’m from a sun blazed hill,From Tide pod and Bleach.I’m from the cold basement,Of a house painted white.I’m from the shokey park,The potholes in the road,Hot and bumpy.I’m from Secret Santa and brown eyes, from Lori and James.I’m from loud game n
At what point did I grow up?
At what age did I lose my innocence?
When did I see the true colors of the world ?
Dark, muddled and no bright hues,
All gilded, we are blinded from the truth.
To be the first,
What a wonderful thought.
To be the first in a family,
Oh how much has been fought
To achieve something my family has not.
