mentalhealth

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Her sister is 15 minutes away and she only sees her once a week   She walks over to her in the mental hospital   Temporary home that smells like bad food
Freedom is releasing secrets, opening doors to friends, making allies and collecting understanding. To achieve freedom, true and absolute, regret nothing, instead learn.
 <h1>SCATTERED      ASHES</h1> <ins> <p>I am from a family where bubbles exist</p> <p>From a broken home and a messed up wish</p> <p>I am from a crippled yet standing still keeping secrets injured an
I don't care if your here I dont care if you're not I don't care if your a woman I don't care if you're a man I don't care if you're young I don't care if you're old
Fake smiles and fake laughs stop you from asking questions. Haven't you noticed yet and learned a lesson? The depression makes me want to talk and express what I'm feeling.
Lines and curves, Letters and words.  Poetry. An output plug, Decoded just for me.  An encryption to every stressful memory. Once filled with anxiety,  Now given a release. 
 What poetry has taught me is easy to see.  It's made me actually deal with, well, me.   I have learned that it's okay to have insecurities. It's alright to acknowledge the anxiety.   
I’ll start with a love poem Because those seem to be the easiest And it's been awhile since I’ve tried to write anything that wasn’t Three pages double spaced
Imagine this. Up and down, Through the night. Your thoughts insane, To give great plight. Imagine this. Tears cannot stop, But hands can scribble, On this paper, Little by little.
A tree stands tall in the middle of a meadow But with its bark already weak from the months of rain it was too easy to strip it bare
i’m sorry  i’m not mad at you  it’s not you  it’s me and my  unwanted guest  she lives inside me  sucking the electricity out of me  sitting in me waiting to drain  every ounce of water  
I open up the Groupme appWaiting for the destination that awaits me10-15 people ready to engage in the event of their life: “Never Have I Ever”
I’m not okay. I’m sitting on the bathroom tiles, Crying, Screaming, Hurting. The blade glides merrily across my arm, Slice
Why is the floor suddenly made out of little bits of him, and her and them and why is it so bad to step on that bit: makes me SICK to my inner bits,makes me shake sweat and hate.
Wasn’t the first time.  
the thunder roars in every heartbeat lightning strikes in my eyes rain pours with each cry out to God to take my life away from me.
The voices, they are silent yetSomehow my very hurting headConvinces me that I am dead.So where am I?“Then let us die,Don’t say goodbye:Their panicked cryAnd asking whyWill justify
The fingers that I type withand the eyes with which you readare both, just now, quite filled with life - of that, we are agreed?   
Jump, fall, land, splat.Who ever said that? Not the twisted face he sees,though it drove him to his knees. Not the voices in the dark,though they surely made their mark.
In my dream, I was flying. Does it really count as flying if your body is vertical? I always picture "flying" as Superman's favorite mode of transportation. I guess I was floating, higher and higher until nothing on Earth fazed me.
In my dream, I was flying. Does it really count as flying if your body is vertical? I always picture "flying" as Superman's favorite mode of transportation. I guess I was floating, higher and higher until nothing on Earth fazed me.
“Don’t call me ‘precious.’ Don’t be fictitious  with me. Don’t be the one to bite your thumb when I’m the one already done before everyone.
So many lines. So many, Different kinds of pain that write themselves Under different names: Necessity, shame, another I can’t explain. And still more, more still and, Is this some kind of game?
It started off as an escape An honest distraction, Just to reshape The always-constant never-ending never-ceasing never-stopping Reaction in my body tensing-up-ing heart-a-pounding hard-to-breathe-ing
MY NAME IS: OCD walk it wrong and they will die, wait until it's safe to cry. draw the crimson from your arm, maybe they'll stay safe from harm.   MY NAME IS: HOMELESSNESS
Society Members of community Expectations and beliefs What people should be Race, age, gender, Even what people like to do
It's okay to be different.  It's okay to be plain.  It's not okay to keep thoughts trapped in your brain.  If you're struggling with something  Make sure you tell someone.  Life should be the battle
Little Sister,   Please, baby sister Stop tearing at your body. Your heart Your soul Is crying, Baby sister You will never find purpose in the clouds of smoke
Dear Dad, I'll keep this brief. I won't pretend to know why you did what you did Or what was going throuhg your head That day you pulled the trigger That changed the lives of your kids,
Bottled up inside, like a fifth of grey goose emotions I tried to hide my mind's running loose  afraid of what i might find if I keep digging deeper into my melon like a rind I thought she was a keeper
Cellphone oh Cellphone Where is your key? The jailor to my soul Please let me free I can’t escape you Sentenced for life
Dear friend, You haven’t been speaking to me in a while It has gotten kind of hard without you You always made me smile   Remember that time you told me To cut off all my hair When I did it 
Dear friend, You haven’t been speaking to me in a while It has gotten kind of hard without you You always made me smile   Remember that time you told me To cut off all my hair When I did it 
The sun is asleep and the moon is only half awake. My mind is blurry and my heart is half paced. Crickets are chirping in slow motion as I ascend into open space.
The man's self image, Thought to be clear as our air, Polluted by thoughts, Darkened by Outside voices, Left to rot alone today. 
Have you ever felt like you can’t get out of bed? You feel you literally cannot get dressed? Like you have no energy to pick up a fork? Or put on a shirt? No interest or ability to concentrate on anything?
I saw this man alone in the brisk cold; He wore an eskimo hat to keep warm. A passing girl praised the hat, and behold- The man offered it to her, against norm.
I’ve been contemplating for the past three days,Words to describe my precise emotions,And I become embarrassed by myself,For not even being able to, in such a s
Were you too misinformed to see clearly,Of how they were destroying your own soul?You opened your mind to them so simply,As if there was not a blood-l
Dear Younger Me, Remember all those conversations we used to have? And remember them walls? Them walls were once memories.  What if them memories conspired into black masses of space?
Stay alive for the little things,  Like the sun on your cheek, Or to see your life peak.  Stay alive for the little things, To see your favorite band get back together, Or to fall in love forever.
She still visits me sometimes... In the night, she clambers into my bed and causes a ruckus of negativity in my head.   She plays the strings of my heart like the most beautiful harp,
p { margin-bottom: 0.1in; line-height: 120%; }a:link { } Media Era Taught—to be an Adonis Instead, became honest Not a pawn I see who’s pawning, I want a free mind Stillborn—Still conscious
Dear School, I apologize for my absence today. I would never miss on purpose. But just last night, I felt I had A case of yersinia pestis.  
Darling I see you there with your big smile It’s like you don’t have a care in the world You’re good at school and have a great sense of style You love your anime and your sweets
I don’t even know what to say. You’ve stolen my voice. I can only sit here, fuming in silence. Pin me to the wall. Puncture my wings. And hold me there. Rip the wings off – Rip the floor out from under me.
The first time i heard the words ´i love you´ was also the first time i saw my mother cry the way this person told me´i love you´ made it sound as if they were telling the truth
Am I worth it? The trouble; the time; the headache. Sometimes I feel shunned out. My emotions flutter I can feel them changing constantly Can it just stop?
Once upon a time…. I met a princess A special Princess, a rich princess, a smart princess, a kind princess A bam spankin' bootylicious princess One glance and the princes were enamored
I found home in his arms, warmth in his smile and a love that I knew would extend for miles A place I could turn to, when life became hard, a man that would do anything to keep safe, my heart
Because I am a young adult I will reach out to you whenever you are in need. Because I am kind, I will give you endless mercy. Because I am a rose who grew from concrete, I will empathize with you.
how do you convincea kid who feels liketheir whole life is a waste not to killthemself?convince the kid that thinksthat their not going to be anything to stop cutting?how can you stop 
The ground splinters under her feet The weight on her shoulders pushing her further into the ground The ground drops from under her Falling, her skin flakes Flaking away with the force of the air She falls.
These classic fairytales have got it all wrong. For starters, if the word typical is a synonym for classic, why is it impossible for me to relate them to my life? These are not typical stories.
The darkness buried within my soul, has the capability to eat my mind whole. The words that I try and speak the actions I try and keep, are in itself; pure beauty.
She carries out two lives; One for the public And one for herself Late at night
She Wanted by Z. Alarcon   She wanted arms to hold her, Not hands to behold her Dark days, long nights; Through it all, she sat
I am 16 years old I’m left handed I hate my hyphenated last name And I absolutely hate bananas I still don’t know how to play video games either
Sitting in class with my Victoria Secret perfume of Temptation and in my new letterman jacket. I’m on the honor roll, valen victorian of my class, and engaged, not in some ostensible straitjacket.
I am screaming Standing still Face towards the sky My throat, it burns But no one hears It is all in my head I smile At my friends My eyes are closed My face, it hurts
Sometimes a flower Sometimes a thorn Sometimes the gold Sometimes the pawn Sometimes the sunshine Sometimes the rain Sometimes the freedom Sometimes the chain Sometimes the light
She’s only human and there’s nothing extraordinary about her,                 Except the fact that she’s dead and nobody knows.   Lying in her grave she awakes every day,
Senior to Freshman all over again The end of something old The start of something new Tiptop shape to Crippling from the outside in
Water Only clear  Loose and cascading over my body I cannot breathe I cannot speak Cannot Will not open my eyes I am drowning Voices collide  Suffocating me
I can't watch shrek anymoreIt sounds like a little thing but it's notIts the story of loving someone beautiful or notNot just when they're falling apartThe song comes on and i shake
 
Today doesn't have to be great, heck it doesn't even need to be decent. Days are just 24 hours, Hours are just 60 minutes,  Minutes are just 60 seconds and time,
we were happy once back when we were but children, giggling at the minute moments innocent, but ignorant. not yet accustomed to the term depression
What can I compare these thoughts to? A bluish, grayish, blackish hue. For when I am happy,  they seem to blend, But an artist would know, black is the end.  The darkness usurps any white I recieve,
They're here, And I have so much fear. They tell me to die, And I can't help but cry. They hold me down, And make me want to drown. They love the night, And it gives me such a fright.
Unbelonging Creatures of the night Winding Untaming Unraveling Sweetening Climbing Creatures of the trees Flighting Picking Breezing Unholding Ungoing
Don't believe the smiles you see plastered upon my faceThese smiles are empty smiles They hold no promiseThey hold no joyBehind the smiles there is painBehind the smiles there are tearsBehind the smiles there is a girl, a boy, or whatever I choose
You see I knew the man, but not the message.Now I know the man and the message.The message is not in the magazines full of airbrushed models.That tell me everything that is wrong with my exterior.The message is that "I am fearfully and wonderfully
She DEFILED herself!  Body pains, sunken eyes, flaky, sore, bleeding lips and her body as cold as ice. She chugged the water to silence the rumbling of her stomach as she walked out the door. She gave all the right answers and was
Love and Pain. Pain and Love. One a Raven— The other a Dove.   Two different things?
Drop                      the                                          storm.     Move closer.                               Sit.                             It is time.
  The Monster Behind Your Eyes  
Anxiety is irrational Nana, but you can't understand can you? I cool my impatience like an ice cube on my tongue, remembering she's no longer young.
Words… The words I so quickly scribbled Healed my mental anguish more than Any medication from the doctor ever could Or would. Words… Feel like home. The home I have been frantically
Being free from my thoughts is something I've found impossible to do. I feel as if my mind is caged like the animals at the zoo. I want to be able to conquer my hindering fear, but the demons in my head are incredibly near.
Loud heavy breathing. I can't inhale or exhale  and terror fills me. 
Have you ever,Been so in pain,That all of your thoughts,Make you insane?  Do you ever,Lay awake at night,Wishing you would just disapear,From sight?  Are you ever,Just so damn sad,That the thought of death,makes you glad?  Have you ever,Taken a bl
To say I depended on you would be an understatement. I was addicted to the way we were. To say you were my everything would be an understatement.
If life as a 17 year old is supposed to be a walk in the park, then why do I feel like I’m drowning in the ocean? I feel like I no longer have control over my life.
One single word that will be my destroyer Everything around me, everyone around me is happy I don’t understand how they can be so filled with joy
  2002. I’m seven years old and scared as hell To make a sound I start to weep and plead with her Please, please not Emily
For many of my years there were many tears tears of great fear tears caused by my peers I saw an ending near  I grabbed the gun with no fear  Life's supposed to be fun  I was done  my life flashed by 
It started with shakes and the violent pounding. The floor boards matching the beat inside my ribcage. Japan was beautiful. And it was the shaking that stirred such a thought.
// To continue in a course of action even in the face of difficulty or with little or no prospect of success// We all have choices in life we push ourselves until we breakdown or persevere until we reach our definition of success.
That beautiful smile I shall never forget The smile you gave to everyone  So beautiful I can visualize it I wish I can see it again  But you're gone It has been so long since I last saw you
I remember the first time I wrote poetry, I remember the blood pooling out of me suddenly becoming ink How the blade suddenly became a sharp pen-                                
WHY
I love to smile, why? It lights up the room yet hides the truth. What really lies behind you ask? Deep dark lies? Swallowed by emotions, I try and hide it but I'm gasping for air. But why? Why are people so blinded?
I remember it like it was yesterday- The dripping of rain upon my window, the sound of the wind blowing across the city- It's hard to tell you the whole truth though because I'm still trying to figure that out myself-
  I stared at your empty seat in math class for days
Pills two of them to be exact. They’re the same, but together they’re a stronger dose. Together they calm down a savage mind like mine. Helping to realign the dominos of thought in my head.
My voice Is something which my ears fail to define When it kisses the air, it splinters Into exactly 2 billion and 3 question marks Hooking round my pores and Peppering my flesh with pock-marks of stray
I smile because I hidePretending to be optimistic and brightMy hands are shakingMy face is numbMy body feels like i'm floatingI see a crowd, I prepareA pain strikes in my chest
Beginning to realize I'm in deepInside my head, I'm so hard to reachPushing my emotions in different directionsObviously so very out of control
The inside of my mind, the design is so complicated. So intricate, and it seems that thoughts can be so crowding, and fear does this rerouting
Who is that lonely girl Sitting on the corner of the street Who is that lonely girl Not saying a word while she eats Who is that lonely girl Wearing the outdated shoes Who is that lonely girl
don't unlock that closet [she warned in a whisper] these ghosts have never quieted at night i hear their screams [echoing through my mind] don't you dare unlock that door [she said] don't you dare 
Who am I, through a completely organic lense? A lense with no skewer or sharpener no falsehoods or pretends   What am I in an entirely natural glow? A glow that eminates my true personality
I am made of sticks and stones. I rebuilt myself from those I found Strewn about the kitchen floor, Remnants of your drunken tirades. My bones felt hollow When I learned that yours
I panic between doorways  I count the breaks in stairways  to rules I always adhere  and I do this out of fear fear that I'll lose my sight  that it will punish someone dear 
One, two, three- Organized alphabetically.  Four, five, six- this must have a fix.  Seven, eight, nine- but I hate to whine.  Ten, elven, twelve- mentally it delves.
After all we've been through   Are you going to throw it all away?   Trash it like it was nothing?   Am I nothing to you?   Was I ever anything?
I am of flesh I breath sin I keep to myself what lies within   But do express And I'll give you notice When storms draw near I feel their closeness   Love one love all
Beauty over Depression Derailed and Disastrous Why do I feel like this? Empty and Eerie
Born in Nebraska, raised in Omaha, just a small town girl with wild dreams
it was innocuous at first. (doesn't it always start off like that?) my lips were just a little too chapped and it looked bad, so i peeled off some of the old skin. no harm done, right?
It’s not that simple, Trying to see the good again. The grey days just seem to blur together, In a never ending stream of sadness.   Have you ever felt so sad that you can’t cry?
do not tell anyone about your father's condition, my mother said,
depression is a war and catastrophe. you fight yourself, and even if you win you kill something of your essence, your soul, but there is no help because this world is predatory and only
can you feel it choking you and are you drowning drowning drowning because i can't breathe the panic's rising and what are you supposed to do when you have no idea what's gone wrong,
I am sorry. i am sorry for shredding you to pieces when you deserved to be cherished. i'm sorry for the six years of abuse i put you through and thought that you deserved. 
I am a goddess   I am fierceI am flawlessI am strongI am passionateI am courageousI am powerfulI am a goddess  
My body is a cocoon of pungent regret holding its breath for the metamorphisis to a butterfly of knowledge my body is a hub of nocturnal imagination paints my dreams in garish tones and people hues
mornings seem treacherous, reminding you
I still hate myself every day And it hasn't changed in a single way Nobody loves me, I love no one Try to avoid me or better yet, run.   I have no potential, not hard to see
Though I've yet to pull myself together There's a part of me that seems to have tethered My body image and self neglect Are all pure relfections of lack of self-respect.   I starve myself day by day
Do you know what it's like to live every day Dreading your life in every way? Fearing you'll never be good enough The minutes get longer and your life gets tough.   And how about that body of yours
Why do I always feel like nobody cares And when I need someone, no one's there? Being alone is a normal feeling The real me I've been concealing.   The thought of isolation was always appealing
I want to go to sleep But never wake up With words so deep My life I reap.   Lying in bed WIth the sheets grasping my head My face turning red Hoping I'd end up dead.  
She did it... She broke up with me My heart feels like a pit But she holds the key.
people will never recognized a simple girl. who is like other girls, simple as a paper flower. who really is nothing compare to the real flowers. whose color and petals are different from others.
"Foster child! Foster child" "I wish you never came here" "Not my sister, Not my sister!" "Mom, don't call her dear" Echoes in the hallways, begging for a tear Water in the bathtub, wash away my fear
Mistakes, Baby I'm flawless. What you want me to be ashamed of, Baby I flaunt it. You talk and laugh about the way I look, But don't understand that my ego can't be shook.
​The Laughs Memorable Guy,
Behind the cutain is a monsterous beast A feril bohemoth DYING to feast  
You get up just to plaster on a fake smile and laugh constantly, Because that's what people who have their shit together do.
When Blue Reflects Upon Waves   I’m staring, always staring, forever staring, No focus in sight, yet a bright future yields token, Novel, arguably plausible possibilities.
I have fallen into a pattern of ticking and tock-ing for those who simply miss the measurement of time. My mouth is stained red, but my mind is enveloped in tones of blue, no longer
Have you ever woke up and felt like you were dreaming? Like you couldn't get up? You were stuck?
Disappear in a whisper: Hello? Are you there? Yes but are you? Do I know you? Do I know you? No I don’t. You’re right we don’t know. We? You never knew did you?
They say love is a drug. It's no wonder I'm always so high. I abuse too much, never sober enough. His laugh is my cocaine, addictive and exhilarating. When his lips meet mine, it's pure bliss
Let x equal me
I don’t want to not believe I don’t want her to become something other than what she sees In the mirror, is a different person?
Researchers say crying is inborn I had to learn how to cry I stifled the sight of my tears Away from the taste of salty crystals on my tongue Afar from the expression of my fears
Counting the calories, Secretly loving each bite, Is being skinny Worth all this fight? Seeing your hipbones? Collarbones too? Searching for a thigh gap, even though there's so much "you"?
Who am I?  A question even I don't know, For this face I do deny, And body try to hide,  This mask as my disguise,  Every mirror will catch my eye, To eat I have to try, Anorexia.  
Time seems fluid.            You and I are just floating through. Time stretches on and on,             Until the day has ended               And the darkness is surrounding. The rising sun
It hit me one night on tumblr a blog i stumbled upon with a bio that sounded a LOT like my old best friend we never fell out our friendship never ended
We are the Ones. The beaten, the broken, the abused.   We are the Silent. Bearing our agony with closed mouths. The quiet, the strong, the mute. We are the Patient.
Masquerade balls in school lunch lines:  I'm fine, why do you ask?   Pretend is all I can do. Pretend like I don't feel torn apart.  Pretend like I even know who I am.  
Who knows what it's like? To grow without.   We live every day hoping to find food on our table hoping to make it out of this world a trailor world.   We don't look normal.
A simple smile acting as a barrier Preventing the world to understand hardships, heartbreaks, hurt. Daily life is a chore no matter how many times it's repeated difficulty, depression, danger
My heart was one of darkness, pain all consuming. Scars standing out, as if to mock me. I was delivered a blow I had been waiting for, one that was going to shatter me.
It's not what they call you, but what you answer to. Never let someone else's words define you. No one is "normal" No one is "perfect" But as long you love yourself you'll always be worth it.
Sweet Supple Innocence The press of sinewy hips Our flesh entangled before the gaze of silver plated St. Peter, the protector I merged into you, no longer me simply an extension of you You became my puppeteer
She is a hyprocrite Full of contraditions  And consumed with a nonconformist spirit She desires to be loved Yet all she visualizes is hate
I'm ugly? You have the audacity to me ugly,
You see, weight is too much, The pounds are too much, The scale says "enough" But the numbers don't bluff.    Below layers of fat (Which really aren't there) 
     I woke up on a dirty mattress on the floor of a friends house. It's my 16th birthday. A huge milestone in a young persons life.
This emptiness inside of me, I really can't explain  how everything I try to do slowly fades to grey.    Imagine yourself standing in the bottom of a pit no way out no way in.
The stars go out and the sounds of bees buzz melding together to a low drowning humm.
"Hey, how are you?" I say, "I'm fine." Totally fine. I'm always fine... It's truly a superficial question; no one wants the truth. They won't dig and burrow, they wont try to tunnel into my thoughts.
Crimson substance fills the cup One is one and never enough With every wound A new opening
I am a Painter of Another Day Another sleepless night, Another day avoiding glances, Another day pretending to be happy, Anothr fake smile, And another day hiding the scars covering my skin.
I must be a ghost. Oh, how they walk through me. It's like I'm invisible, And no one hears my screams. It's a lifetime story, But I hate those shows. There's things in the world,
You said to me, "I am Lost" So I etched the constellations in every freckled part of my skin, so you would always know where you came from when you traced your fingers across my hips.
They aren't just scars They are demons I fought at 00:00 They are my insecurities My deepest fear And my lonely nights They are my insults I have recieved and the Emotion I can't contain
He knows the importance of vertical strokes. And to plant a garden,
My fingers are on the keys I just need a release My head is spinning I do not want others to have to feel this way My new goal is to help them I want to inspire others   I want to tell them
I hope you're comfy,
And outside, life Is cold. The trees are as bare as my bones are hollow, and through the chains over my window I can see the world outside- Moving. It's all still moving, without me.
Dear Model Minority Stereotype,Why must I abuse my healthcontinuously, clawing, gnawing, eroding my
(White hon
I met some folks at work today. It was my first day at the job. A fellow staff gave me some keys Then turned to fill out paperwork. Now I can unlock chemicals, But how can I unlock a heart?
Beat me down Pull my hair A constant frown It's so unfair   My mind is distorted It makes me see things that aren't really there My body is contorted God, I wish I didn't care  
Attention Deficit All Alone (ADAA) By Derick Gentner The crumple of paper in the hall, a pen hitting the floor,
When I hold it in my hand, I feel much power I feel like I haven't been crying for the past half hour When I lay the cool metal upon my wrist
We.
When did it become so wrong?   Despite our desperate need to be strong?   Crazy, weird, spazz, freak   Strange, stupid, loser, geek.  
She doesn't discriminate against age, sex, or race , 4 million in her evil clutches, she and her minions are taking over our children's minds leaving trails of broken down bodies,   
Here it comes again, The inevitable void In the pit of my Stomach.  
    Hi I have a few disorders ones you cannot pshycally see
I walk on a Sunday afternoon in 2013. I walk to the store candy and a lil bit of ice T. I walk wondering who this man is behind me. I walk till I can't walk no more and I run  I run and I run.
Let the asystole Voice the matter at hand The mind of she who wishes To broadcast her innermost thoughts Her suppressed desires Goals, methods, plans But fear the shatter
I take eight tablets and capsules a day. They help hide the unreliable wiring to my mind. Giving me this false intoxication. Frenzied sometimes, but dispiritedness always. I just get this abnormal logic.
Your body is a temple- And I have burned mine to the ground too many times to count. I have slashed it and scarred it and bruised it and marred it, And tried to break the bones of this battered flesh home.  
Maybe you fall down sometimes Maybe the voices speak up again Maybe you get lost easily Maybe you don’t have to have everything figured out Maybe… Maybe some days are harder than others
These are your hands and This is how you tell the world you’re not all bad These are your wrists, those are your scars, This is your story This is how you dodge the shattered glass around your feet
I may sound insane, but the voices I hear are not of a lunatic . They are of someone suffering of OCD ( Obsession Compulsive Disorder). "IT NOT CLEAN!" 
At the time she believed no one cared
your words, they stingjust like a razor blade upon my skinsinking deeper with each cut you slit  
I am quietbecause were I to open my mouthand let out the sugardemonscrouching behind my teeth,they would make you cry.I am tiredbecause were I to stay awakefor an hour or so more
When I was little, An itty bitty child in an itty bitty house, My mother told me: “Now don’t you hate. “Hate is a strong word, a bad word. “Hate makes people weak. “Hate drives out love.”
So lost, still lookingWhere's the never found?I gaze with fixed eyesThis dark quest has me cemented My heart is dementedMy whole solution is buried Underneath the land of the hopeless
PTSD, bi polar, adhd, and borderline personality disorder they say. Born dependant on crack cocaine, marijuana, and alcohol. Two weeks in the niccu, which I was lucky it was just two.
   I know I may not be much
There is no way a mom can say "that child is not mine" But for me things were different
You convinced me to love you with the illusion of it being mutual. 
Red
I thought it would be cleaner in here That makes sense, right? Perfectionists and all that It should be neat lined shelves, glass, platinum It's not
Where's my voice Above this noise? I can't break this My force is useless
Hiding behind her own reflection Having to deal with her satisfaction The mirror tells no lies And at night she'll refuse to cry The knife will show her a new way To express what she has to say  
“Wow, what a psycho” Says the girl sitting next to me. How clever she is Laughing at the uncontrollable misfortune of others.  
Life moves on. 
 
The pieces never fit to begin with.    Given fragments of things that don't match;  they weren't even close...  Wanting rain for every moment,  lost in a place with no way out, 
Red-headed beauty  with the brightest green eyes...  I watched as she threw herself away.  The heart's wounds more hidden  than the scars on her arm,  she wanted nothing more 
There might be thoughts inside your head you can't get out You might not know what is wrong why are you so sad I will listen you might have had people in your past
I wake up every morningTo see those eyes staring back at me Broken and bruisedDying and confused Living every dayNot wanting to live the nextWeighing downMy still-beating heart
Anxiety is what I'd change But it looks so out of range.   Waiting for the day
FUN Going out on weekends Lampshades on heads Do you remember what you did last night? Better yet WHO? If you don't check instagram   FUN Channeling my inner hippy
Shifting eyes, tight throat, hiding my face as I watch the class make fun of a girl for sharing her issues     about PTSD
i am in titanium cuffs locked by my inner thoughts im chained to a brick wall with chains crafted by my dark past i am bundled and gagged with rags weaved from my own fear and doubt and i have lost control.  
I had never noticed as a child, but she was always there. Veronica clasped me close, and held me in her stare. Her fragile reflection pursued  me to the broken footsteps of my home. 
If you choose to do so 
The wind beats me down
Falling slowly, Lightly adrift Every single one is different Everyone is unique It has its purpose   Falling down, You wipe them away More than a nuisance They frustrate you
When life gets difficult, And your cup over flows, Things go haywire, Objects explode, Theres no air, No air, No air you cant breathe, Your brain cant conceive, Wrong, Wrong,
Being depressed isn’t easy. You never want to talk to anyone.
clickclickclickclick goes the key board as i sip my morning tea. Spiling, gushing ,spewng my deepest trauma and heatache. My therapy, your guilty pleasure. The best job, if you ask me, is that of a writer.
The words mental hospital
The words mental hospital
Marked by shades             Chained by judgment             Being blinded by false imagery             Colors of white to dark             Long plagued our kind  
fading with age brownign, blurring suffering every day but continues stirring  mindlessly lingering mythodically fingering blades of a razor and quaint gassoline flame.
I stare out the window, watching the rain It rolls down the window like the tears on my face. This pain, this fear, I’ve been trying for years To make it go away, to make it disappear.
Shadows I see, self loathing, self harming, suicidal thoughts is all I'll ever be. No one will ever want me, he was right The monster that came into my room to get me every night
An obsession An addiction. It tortures me, but I need it. I got to know the number on the scale.   Restrict my food. Binge eat. Purge. Thoughts of laxatives.
I once was A girl caged in lonliness; living nightmare The devil on my back Crawled in my head
Cold, frim, lifeless, Laying on cold steel, Water trickles down the drain, Washing the dirty away.   Incisions are made, Inspection makes way, Hunting for the cause, Success.  
Depression springs unexpectedly, Trapping me in its grasp
  i do not have sunken eyes nor do kitchen knives at midnight sink deep into skin only to rise sometimes my limbs shake without any breeze but never with the accompanying screams
This is all in your head. This is all in your head. This is all in your head.   That's the most terrifying thing of all, That what is destroying me
Tears stream down her face To let go the pain She closes them tighter To hope for a brighter future   Wrapping her arms around herself To hold herself up Her body trembles As she sobs
Do you know what it’s like
this void, this emptyness inside. what'd you expect of me? i'm an empty vessel with out a soul.
I read somewhere that every 16 minutes give or take a few seconds a suicide is commited.   
People ask why my fingers are bandaged-
Ice cold veins, her heart is what controls it. She doesn’t know it yet, but she’s the only one who’s frozen.
OCD
There isn’t always a cause. It may be a product of her always planning mind; Always on the go, Always impatient, Always demanding. Because she must make up for lost time. The loss no one can predict.
a beautiful victory
A tsunami sent by one line of text Adrenaline floods my veins- emotions are drowning, tumbling just trying to catch up with my brain My heart jumps, flips, flies out of my chest-
Would you tell a blind man he needs to open his eyes more to see? Would you dare say “just walk it off” to a recent amputee? Of course not. You know that the solution isn’t to be strong willed
Peace is not easy.
On this paper, blank and pure
Welcome to my world! Would you like to meet my friends? They're on my left wrist, and they're scabby and red. Do oyu know who introduced me to them? How we got to meet? My ****** should know,
I never fully understood an addict's continuation with drugs.They acknowledge it's doing them physical harm, yet hunger for more.Caught up in the vanities of this world has shed light to their way of thinking
I can ride a wave of light to the stars and swallow them whole, spitting out constellations and fireworks. I’m the heat that will leave third degree burns on your eyes if you look
twisting and turning picking and pulling bullying the girl who cannot see
Oh how the clock strikes past a quarter to noon Finally Ill be rid of this dreary math full of gloom
BPD
  I am not angry. All I want to do is place myself far from view and release a shrill demonic sound. I want my voice to carry, for my scream to vibrate the air.  
We are the ones shot down day after day forced to tip-toe around our own shattered remains. Reality surrounds us. Holding us in its painful grasp. Never daring to let us go and give us a chance to breathe.
Who hears the voice of the mentally ill? Who feels for them when they cry from the pain they feel? It seems they are feared and everyone worries Is their problem contagious or more comfortable ignoring?
Please, riddle me this, oh math teacher-  When will I ever use the inverses of matrices in my short, artsy, creative life? When will I have to solve an equation to obtain a wife,
The Quiet Room with its white, padded walls. Sometimes I wish they were a different colour, any colour at all. Sometimes I wish there was noise, even the most annoying noise in the world.
I am wispy mist that is quickly blown away by strong wind. I am the dust bunnies under the couch-- hiding so I’m not swiftly swept away. I am a blanket of snow that melts away when the scorching sun arrives.
Age thirteen, beaten black and violet, she hid from a man who was too often violent. But Daddies aren't supposed to be mean, or leave awful marks for all to see. Daddy promised, "Never again."
It came upon me like a shadow and the whispers that followed said,   "Delirium -- thank God." Thank God: it was only delirium. No;   it wasn't. It was the music –  
   Spacing out. That look in my eyes that you despise  but I am too far gone, To notice. When you ask the question If you’d ask the question Not, “Wake up, Miss!”
I am the creature that calls you a loser I am the thing that tears you apart I am the monster that makes you sadder I am the creature that destroys your dreams What am I?
Dear teacher, have I ever told you that I loved Math. Dear teacher, have I ever told you that all my dreams are about 2x+4=y and "Jonny had 5 bannans and gave 1 to Peter, how many bannans were Jonny left with ".
I can’t help it That I must walk In out in out into your classroom I can’t help it That I must sit In the same place I can’t help it That I must go wash my hands
I can’t help it That I must walk In out in out into your classroom I can’t help it That I must sit In the same place I can’t help it That I must go wash my hands
Red
Red, The colour you bleed As you pour your heart To the stranger on the bus. Red, The colour you bleed As you pace back and forth in your bedroom Contemplating
Im making my mind up to express. Living this way is just a mess. Laughing at nothing Is funny when its serious. Im Living life to the fullest So im a gangster. Living is dying.
Dear You, 
You sit behind me in the midnight sun Urging me forward toward the edge  Always there my dark twin You are the sin to my light It takes everthing to fight the pull Oh how sweet it would be 
Staring at your crooked handwriting on the blinding whiteboard, As crooked as the dark thoughts circling my mind like vultures.   My eyes are-
 Maybe She Would Be Alive Today. If I Spoke Up And Said What I Needed To Say. If I Thought Differently and Choose A Different Path. Crazy Thing Is I Didn’t Think She Would Last.
Strained thoughts fly through my mind Like cracks in the pavement. Each line deliberate and Jagged.   I stare at my hands that are Holding a pair of scissors. I turn to face the mirror.
Look into my eyes. I want you to see, sweet angel, That it's okay, Not to be okay.   I know you are sad, broken. I am too.   I want you to smile, Because you are perfect.
I've returned form Never Land, To the place where you're told how to dream. I've never enjoyed it here. These sadistic people who want me to think, Think just like them. Into the melee I sink.
Who are you? You are not my mother today. We do not know what you will do, The children must leave So they are safe.   "Safe from what?", the little ones ask,
His lusting hands grip and weakly protest do I, I'm not ready, but here it comes the months endless in which I'l cry and you'll apologize, but it's not enough and I'l apologize, but you don't deserve it
Teacher, TeacherCan't you seeWhat this life is doing to me? Can't sleep at nightDue to memories and fearAnxiety chewing away at meA family that doesn't care
I told him... "Pretty girls don't have scars," And I cried. With a finger under my chin, He made me look into his eyes. He told me that's what makes me beautiful And kissed every tear
Her condition is that she is a walking contradiction, for she is a soul burning with hot fire and coals born into the coldest winter ever.   She’s living in hell amongst demons yet some say she looks heavenly.  
The darkness doesn't always mean evil, Just like the light does not always mean good. Thinking for yourself isn't always a bad thing. Right and wrong is an opinion. Decisions blind. Outcome unpredictable.
Why, my daisy, Do your petals droop? Fading, falling to the ground? And why, my daisy, Do you bow down to the wind When gusts growl and roar with rage?
Nothing – Seeing clear as day In the suffocating black of night But cringing with confusion When the sun sheds its light Knowing there’s an answer Not caring if it’s found
Maroon- the color of crimson love, fermented Of December midnights, mingled with the tears of flesh Of sweet agony, smoldering behind hazel eyes Of you and I, trying to escape Desire
3
The first time I saw you, everything in my head went quiet, all of the compulsions, all of the obsessive urges, all of the racing thoughts that stole my breath,         but you stole my attention.
  Who are you to determine my state of mind? Where is this "Book of Rules" that fits certain characteristics to determine one's mental health? You said that I am mentally ill. How so? How was this determined?
Have you ever seen someone going through a anxiety attack?It's not an east to thing to witness. Their body tenses against their willThey shake and cry with no cause or relief
Please Note: There is a trigger warning for this poem.   As she covers her arms, she covers her whole world. A world rooted in pain With no gain Of freedom from The Blade.  
  They say suicide Is a selfish act. Although I never could fathom why When it is so difficult to acquire the help one needs For when problems are spoken And cold words form in the warm air
Sometimes I wonder. Was it a gradual thing? Or did she wake up one day Suddenly suffocated by the ring. When did she realize?
I see the line of water Kissing the the top of my head My hair sticks out slightly The cool breeze of life caressing it And there I stay
Rooms, Inescapable prisons, That present our Feeble minds with Conforming individuals, Unfavorable probability, Discomfort. Rooms, Incase emotions. While hallways,
Somebody once told me that Life was like clay, no matter how much you fiddle around with it the clay will eventually harden. What did they mean?   Somebody once said that Life was beautiful and
Men or Women Have the power to kill. Though we blame objects Like guns, knifes, swords, etc. Why are we blaming these objects When we should be the one to blame The people that hold the gun,
Cast over me, a sheet of confusion and foolishness, and yet it took more than one rude awakening in my life to help pull this sheet off my head but I still wonder why do so many tragedies had to come for me to finally understand a part of life.
You follow coincidence down the path of least resistance Your decisions dictated by circumstance Your every move driven by nature and nurture It is not too late To live intentionally
Jugular venous pressure is estimated by positioning A patient’s head at a 45-degree angle. When the veins in the neck Are swollen as high as the angle of the jaw, Blood pressure rises.  
  There's a point in time when sadness becomes unshakeable.  and becomes a being whos thirst for bearing pain is insatiable. When you allow it to, sadness will find a voice of it's own and start speaking
  Eyes are like the doors into our minds.  You can tell just by looking into someone’s eyes what kind of world they live in. Whether it's dark and night or happy and light
Hey little birdy, The one by my window; I see your colourless wings so sturdy And those dark eyes so hollow. Birdy, take me with you.  I want your freedom; I want to fly in the blue.
Wouldn't I be pretty If she wasn't tan and skinny Knew all the words to country Like you do Wouldn't I be pretty If you drank too much whiskey Drove home at two And I waited up for you
From as far  well as far as I can remember  From the cold fronts of December to the hot summers of July in everything  I've done it was to prove that I could do  anything as long as try,
Can you see her? can you see the acid rain falls from the skys, every time she crys? She walks through life with her head held high,
There I laid as the darkness of the night crept in through the windows and proceeded to engulf my body into it's rich depth.It was swallowing the details of my bedroom.
I live for the simple things;the sound and smell of rain,the flash of lightning,the boom of thunder.
She screams into the night. Howling in pain. No one hears her desperate pleads. Blood pulsing through her veins. Thump, thump, thump.
Today  We Fly. Today We Cry. Today We Sigh. Today We Lie. Today We Deny. Today... We Die. (Written in Trochaic Monometer)
She steps inside a world unkown. The place is dark and stars don't glow. She starts to cry-- she wonders why-- she thinks she cannot be fulfilled with just her dreams.
He had a bad habit of catching lightningHe strode along the streets collecting the lightning that fell from the eyes of people he passed.
Lost without an identity Anticipation and resentment Where will I go from here? Names, faces, and a language that I do not understand My face is a plastic smile Behind the façade,
There was once a world of simplicity and tranquility But man has robbed us of that ability Progression is the obsession of today’s generation When will we learn the needed forms of interrogation
We are a fast food generation, and in love with instant gratification, facing complete and utter annihilation, erasing the very blood line of the planet, look I get it, it’s easy to go to foreign countries to rape the world for its oil
Keep moving. They'll push you down and they'll put up a fight. Keep moving. They'll leave you broken and beaten. Keep moving. They'll laugh at your dreams and feed your fears. Keep moving. Until you find the one. Then stay.
    With you? The monsters don't seem so scary. And life? Not so tough. You are the sunshine to my darkness. You keep me safe beside you.  
When I close my eyes all I can see is your face wanting to get me.           That's why I write When I go to lay in bed at night all I can feel is your hands on me.           That's why I write
"just be happy" is never the appropriate thing to say to somebody who doesn't know what happy is.
Adorned with dark brown skin The constant teases as if it was a sin A Sin that my melanin was a little more defined
4/20/2007 Dear Diary, I write this poem in memory of all lives lost in the tragedy, to give strength to their families, and to prevent any further calamities.   ***  
-You lie through your teeth When it comes to how-are-you’s “I’m good” or “I’m okay,” Is what you’d instead say -Feeling lonely day by day Not that you weren’t alone in the first place
As the sunlight slips between my fingertipsI watch the shadows fallThey fall in lacy breaths over my skin,Making darkness and light seem so intricate
I sit in my room staring at the wall, trying to quiet my mind from its own chaos. I picture in my memory a beautiful color red, darker than a cardinal’s breast spilling onto the floor.
I stare at your glowing face in the light of the moonI wonder where it is the person I loved has goneWhat has happened to our loveI also look into the space where your heart,the heart which beat so strong and true, 
My heart rises and falls As a tide on a moonlit beach With each movement comes pain and also fulfillment I feel the sweat drip, down my face on off my cheek   The pain, brings its own form of motivation
Is it really worth it? The heartache the pain that you leave behind. Is it really worth it? A mother who has to bury a child, do you really want that? Can you see what you will cause?
  I’m heart broken, Playing more games, this is my last token, But I got change Emotions never spoke. I’m neck deep in pain, so I’m always choking
My heart remains as empty as the dark canyons of your spirit. If not for your words I’d be blind to your thoughts; for they are forever hidden from the eyes of onlookers.
Anxiety ruled Emphasis on past tense used May have saved a life.                
In a world of darkness, Subtle waves pulse agaisnt my skin. My lungs feel tight and cramped, My heart slamming against my ribs with brutal force Working against the lack of oxygen.
As I write to whats to come Some say fate others destiney I wonder what may happen later For my eternity   Maybe it'll be gnomic Maybe it'll be an incubus For what the future holds atonomy
Day by day The sun rises and the sun sets The stars glisten and the animals are at rest All you do is just wonder, wonder what brought me here That of course is logical, your parents
I was so close to nirvana but disaster had to come Trembling, sweating dripping, heart beating like a drum It could be all over in an instant Leaving me crying in my bedroom, seeming senseless
blood clusters in a lust massive starvation to the heart slow beats of death pound; reaching the finale no time to waste on love murderous love led to blood barely moving as short breaths weap out
The sun casts its blinding rays onto the snow-covered ground to create a glittering reflection that has always reminded me of broken mirror shards.
my skin holds many secretsboth outsiDe and on the ineach scar has a stOrybottled deep withiN.and jusT because a mark is absentdoesn't mean that patch is pureCuts will scar but scratches fade
On the inside, I'm writhing.   Dueling against myself, Fighting, For possession of the blade.   My body is too full, bursting, with emotion. With tears. with Pain.
The sun cuts in through blindsfingers of light brushing bare shouldersFour steps, and daybreak is snuffed out,curtains drawn
I dont cut , I just pierce, Never to deep, but just enough, The pain was never all that deep,
Hour one Spread poinsettias drug to the surface Effervescing their wicked kinship Branching over her body Swarming in depths, Drinking her body She traces herself Bubbling in the bathtub
This is the house of 100 pound chairs. Where the tables are nailed to the floor. Where the windows are made out of bullet-proof glass and the neighbors broken and torn.
I wobble my way down the narrow hallway my thoughts are an epic mess the bright light I'm following is so far away yet I feel I can grasp it I must confess.
What makes the hair on your arms rise, your palms sweat, the breath catch in your chest like a wild thing caged? Is it the dark? A fleeting memory of a bed ime story,
Two sad boys none knew were falling They fell so damn fast. The world beat them so hard- They had no chance.
-What a strange relationship we had yet the only time I felt love was then The Refrigerator Mother was far too cold my back against his warm chest felt just right
The blade to my wrist I'm alone I saw with the knife back and forth back and forth It hurts but not enough I push harder back and forth back and forth The blood
You're sharing time with each of your loved ones The clock strikes the witching hour A well-dressed man steps into the room with burdens that could drown a man Yet no expression is told on his face
Remember when you were young and everything was…perfect? Ugh. The word stings both tongues and ears. Perfect…ha. There’s no such thing as “perfect.” It’s an idea, infectious and taunting.
Sun shines through my small window the light drips down the walls like golden raindrops. My eyelids flutter open, retinas burning in the unexpected light. I look around at the blank walls. No detail, no color
"If I should die before I wake," Fingers slip into the lake Queen Anne halo Floating lace "I pray the Lord my soul to take," Reeds do pull From leagues below Tendrils snaking to and fro "One world was not enough for two," Such eyes now clouding Th
I stepped on a slug today. It made me wonder how you were doing. Leching your way across town no doubt. Filling your pockets with our disappointment. Recycling nicknames, sex games, growing pains. It's just growing up. It's a part of life.
To have your health is to feel that relief. A heartbreaking pride to not be the one in the quiet room, separating their M&Ms. Their MAOI's, SSRI's, antipsychotics. Nap time, snack time. Institutional itinerary of the insane.
Tears stream down my face as my mind begins to scatter Feelings of hopelessness overwhelm my being Depression is no longer a word, it’s a part of me I can’t breathe
Coping mechanisms have increased Until loads of weight are placed onto my shoulder Relapses from what I once was From what I once did
I like the way things are now: How I can stand at the edge The sidewalk stopping Cars flying by, missing everything Without feeling so tempted to run To get away Because where I am now is fine.
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