Eating Disorders

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My mind is spinning I am going to throw up Anxiety kills ~Dmonica
I remember when I used to show you pictures of deprived girls, With ribs that protruded like the fingers of a rake And you’d give me this dumb look and say things like, “That’s a little unrealistic, don’t you think?”
Anna “You can’t have sex wearing a wig” she said That line could’ve made me laugh If she wasn’t clutching the sides of her head Wondering what choice did she have.  
The stars have alignedGot you on my mindMy heart's cold and oh so lonelySo I swallow some sinFor the pain that I'm inA cigarette, a blade, a dietWhen we promised we'd stop
Mirror, Mirror on the wall Who’s the fattest of them all? I’ll tell you who it’s the girl Staring back at me Covered in scars With no gap in sight to see.
Hunger yawns in me Like some waking creature It grows, reaching angrily Searching, scratching, howling, For something to consume I give it nothing So the hunger sits, smoldering
There are demons pressing in on me. There are demons pressing out on me. It's as if when my eyes hit the mirror they hit the bullseye for my body to grow. the  bullseye is really a trigger.
Twinkle, twinkle, little star, you look so perfect where you are, sparkling warmth way up there, I just can't help but to stop and stare. Others around me also pause, to gaze upon you in their awe.  
Not now, love. It'll be ok Ok Ok Everyone left you, love, for the police blue and blood red and I know, love, that i'm the only one you have and I know, love, that you're slowly going mad
Let me live in your bed,naked as a fishribs emerging day by day like gills as you steal my breath.Moss will creep over my ankles -oh, keep us from the harsh heavy air,swim languidly through the sheets
  When I was a 14 
I went on a school trip
 We ate dinner at a 
 Buffett, when I
 Feeling full still
 Walked up with my 
Friend who didn’t want

dear past me, it's been tough   you've endured so much pain for one so young   it sounds cliche  but you and i both know that it's true   you've dealt with a lot   
If a girl hits the floor because she hasn't eaten in three days But she's still fat Does she even make a sound?   We see eating disorders and depression and anxiety Through the fucked up lense of television
there are some who will say
You came to settle in my brain which feels like so long ago. You were quick to cause confusion and pain and suddenly became the foe.   Every morning I'd wake up with my self esteem in the gutter.
In the beginning, there was nothing.   There were only dreams.     The first day, God made darkness.   It likes to fill your thoughts  
I am tired of walking outside, surrounded by a group of friends or a group of strangers alike, erasing my focus from the joy of the moment, but instead honing in on how my thighs compare
Ana
"Treat me like glass, tear me to shreds like I'm paper." She had said. She spoke harsh words, but she whispered them like sweet nothings. The monster in my head. Inhale, exhale.
No one realizes how much self hate it takes to make yourself starve, get sick, or do things to your body, unless you have experienced it.
You saw me before I saw you.
Everflowing, gentle, soft,The black thread dangles.Once a contributor to the strength of a whole,The unity stood uncorrupted, pure.
Look at me What do you see? My body is hollow I want to be free   Free from this curse That keeps getting worse When I look in the mirror It won't be reversed  
The sound of her voice was something no one has ever heard before, it was as if the heavens above had created a melody that would instantly cause peace and security in every soul that spoke to this wonderful presence.
my lemon steady collecting weighing down creating pressure. The more lemons the more pressure.. the more weight to create juice.. now lets make lemonade...
Plaster walls,full of cracksbreaking in.Press my backagainst the door…Falling through the floor.Mirror, mirror that I see,Mirror, dear, do you love me?Hunger bites,claws my skin.
Golden like a retriever he use to be an old yeller until the eighth of September when they had to put the kid 
It's strange how time passes. Snapshots of teachers and now-empty classes. Echoes of my past in gray and white, now like doves take flight. The halls of schools and hollow sounds, now within each memory abound.
Your eyes meetThe hollowed gaze of your reflectionSunk in cheeks andBony hands   When everyone told youYou were beautifulYou claimed their words wereUnbelievable 
She will not matter.
Ask the girl in the glass how she survives on just air. Ask her, how does she last when she devours nothing but despair? And remorse coats her every attempt to ignore what she sees,
Friends and I moving on.Two are going into the militaryOne isn't good with structure.One structures everything.  
In the mirror is not your reflection, But instead the trader within. She looks at you in disgust, Knowing that she’ll win. Poking at your curves, Pinching at your skin.
I'm not afraid to admit I know nothing at all Even though these memories Just left broken scars I gave you a second chance And you just through it away I gave you everything you wanted
CRUMBLE CRUMBLE CRUMBLE
It was summer when a little girl plays on swings and slides
The first time it happens, I'm nine years old, and my mother says we need to go on a diet.She says we, but she means you, and I know, I know, I know -- 
Skinny is a six letter word that haunts me at night. Skinny is perfection, at least that's what I've learned. It's skin and bones; no skin to pinch. Fat is a three letter word that I see in the mirror.
5'3
5'3 and 140 pounds. Doctor says there's risk, could become overweight. Better work out soon, tisk tisk.   5'3 and 130 pounds. Parents praise showers her, With inspired faces and dedication
Here I am,
You took from me my smile and pride  my happiness and freedom had no room inside.    Restriction or addiction, I ran the thin line unable to eat, unable to beat, the little voice willing me not to eat. 
Annie is a good girl A real gem among us rocks Practically a pearl Aged with all the grace in the world Every piece of hair a perfect curl She's a genuine among us fakes
Ana
I fist fought a girl named Ana,A battle to the death-And when she pushed me to the groundShe knocked me out of breath.She pulled out my hair in pieces,She bruised my fragile bones,
Choking, burning, body retching, stomach rejecting, tears streaming, thinking of what's been eaten.   Shivering, shaking, body quaking, knees are aching,
You can't tell your teachers that the reason you didn't write your essay, is because your hands were clutched around that cold porcelain bowl- throat filled with acid,  your fingers shaking and white, 
I woke up this morning with a smile on my face I love being able to tell myself it'll be okay   Even though last night was nothing but a mess I was able to wake up this morning with no stress  
  Chains Chains clinking metal frozen wrists bound reaching for freedom no key to set me free or strength to uncuff
Forever engaged to silence  getting through day by day smiling and laughing  pretending your okay "Im fine" or my favorite "I already ate" she pretended to happy  but all that was fake
If you took a good, long, hard look at her stomach, what would you see?  Don't look at the skin of her stomach which she mistakes for fat.
there is an epidemic of thought thata master's degreedefines how much youcare and what i amas a being
I step on the scale Feel the glass beneath my feet One hundred and ten pounds That's still too much for me   I'm trying so hard to fight this And the battle is not yet lost
shut them out, as I suffer to breathe Where are the words? Can we talk instead of scream? My opinion remains unheard   The violent escapade  on the frigid ground, I laid he charged at me, 
We're so Starving.   Looking in the mirror, mistaking what we see for what we believe Knowing the media makes billions of off billions of insecurities. Humans on their knees, ashamed to feed
IT
There is no cure, no acceptance, no understanding, and no answer. Textbooks can only tell you so much, and unless you have lived it, it is near impossible to judge from the outside.
No longer is there a selfOr even a persona you could call someone elseIf there was ever a true selfHe died long ago.So the masked figure you see before youBroadcasts lack of identityRefusing weakness,
A year of healing and of grace Of reconstructing a new face And seeing color after years Of grey scale muted by my tears  
The regression lies here Over the black tile floor The relapse lies here Begging for more Too late to go away
It is like having depression When nearly nothing makes you smile And you’ve lost all interest in everything It is like being bipolar One minute you’re happy The next minute you’re on the floor Staining the carpet with your tears It is like an eati
Salsa, jalapenos, and cheese dips Are grossly consumed in large quantities Many munching, crunching, snacking with smacking lips One glare sent this way To signal off bystanders a sign screaming be wary
All day at school Feeling Alone No one to talk to Friend? I had not one I was depressed Cuts on my arm I'm not good enough These thoughts causing harm
I'm trying I'm trying I swear that I am But my life is in pieces I don't give a damn Yes I know it's unhealthy Yes I know I could die I'm told that I'm pretty But that last one's a lie
The pictures of the Holocaust, Ghastly and unyielding, Show starving people in their camps, Terrible and unfeeling.   So depressed they feel no emotion. So hungry they cannot eat.
It is cold here, but my throat burns with anguish and self-hatred. My body failed more than it was appreciated. A beautiful, red ribbon holds me to the ground.
How I Got Skinny the beginning of a poem, and the end of an eating disorder
It was false advertisement, that's what it really was.
Arch your back, suck in your stomach Stick your neck out, widen your eyes Pull your arms back, stagger your legs Point your toes and stand on the tip. Good, you’re beautiful just like that.
What am I really? Flesh and Bones hinged together Strips of tissue wrapped together; binging the pieces together to make the [w]hole. Shell, support, foundation--and the messy in-between.
Little pangs of jealousy and you-can't-have-me balloons filled with blood I'm sick of all the spinning, spinning my soul is doing and soon I'll fall and I didn't care to look for sharp stones or jagged rib cages before I began
If I told you that you're beautiful Right here, right now, forever Would you believe me?
What I wanted was a life normal to every other I fell victim to the mirror, the rest just makes me shutter I quit making friends, and made my body crumble Every meal was a war, magazines made me stumble
In the mirror, She can see, A thousand flaws, A million mistakes, A few things right, She seems so sweet, Her heart is cold, Her mind is weak, She has a curse, Behind her pastel skin,
Crawling out of her cracked shell of skin, she is writhing against the body that gives her life. Too tight! Too tight! she shrieks, suffocating in her prison and dreaming of bursting free -
His hollow black eyes whisper lethal, but he sure knows how to weave grace into a dull ribcage. His secrets of elegance deter one from the uncertainties of existence.
Chuckles in a quiet room Broke silence And pushed her further down. Harassment starts way too soon From small lips Of middle schoolers’ mouths. All because the thickness of her hips
"My body is my temple" If we're going to use that metaphor It is a temple in ruins A temple weathered by wind and rain It is a temple with no soul A temple with no hope
You hold my tired hand Your bright eyes crinkle into that widespread smile Your thumb traces the tired lines of my palm I do not know what our future holds After all, we're seventeen
Mirror, mirror, on the wall Who's the fairest of them all? She who's tall and she who's thin, She who gets a workout in She whose thighs are far apart, She who has an ice cold heart.
I'm sitting here On the bathroom floor The water surrounds me in an ever changing pool of tears I search the vastness of the floor And find in my vision The bottle of pills Now empty but for a few
Recovery is a process and not an event It's a struggle not to win but to find some common sense We're stuck in a world where failure is wrong Well, failure is a puzzle piece that completes our song
You know that thing? The thing that nobody talks about? Making yourself puke? Yeah I do that It hurts It burns It destroys your teeth But what they forget to tell you In health class
One can never see what goes on behind closed doors. All you have is the insight from a young, bright-eyed girl, who just wants a chance. A typical suburban family is not all as it seems.
Ana
the whispers in my ears are my deepest darkest fears she yells but soothes always with bad news "you gained since yesterday" every morning i hear her say she forces me to stop
Embrace who you are, and you'll go far, don't live in fear, for then you won't see the world clear.
Who started this trickery? This ever shrinking waist There is no debate That skin and bones is not why men fantasize But you say and you starve Perfection is what you are aiming for Clothes in the front
From collar bones to skinny wrists She tries to joke, impress with her wits Thigh gaps, stomach flat Through her eyes she see nothing but fat It becomes a game, how far will she go?
By Karina
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