Suicidal

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I remember when mommy told me  that if you trust a man, he will hurt you.  I never thought much of this. Instead of listening to her, I asked, “mommy, where is daddy?” 
What if i told you i'm not okay? That i'm depressed. How would you react? If I told you I almost killed myself today.
What if i told you i'm not okay? That i'm depressed. How would you react? If I told you I almost killed myself today.
Why is the world so judgmental? Like people, Hungry animals choose their prey By looking for the weak or wounded They pursue them—
I wanted to give up. I wanted to come up from the hell i’ve endured for these years -- have been the hardest i’ve ever seen why won’t you let me leave Me alone
The one person I didn't want to know knows But no one knows it all They know of my depression But they do not know of the marks spanning down my arms and thighs They know I am struggling
He was only eight, so why'd they give him so much hate? He shouldn't be crying because someone called him a "pansy" or a "fairy"- especially when he barely knows his own body.
A sound of thunder one flash, no lightning reality gone asunder; no rain, sky clear as day one plan, no safety and blood flies astray; Did I do that?
Her eyes reminded me of the old embers in the fireplace, unkempt by my absent father.   ~awatr
3am
I spent every waking minute thinking of you. And when I shut my eyes at 3am? There you were again.   ~awatr
What do you do when you want to die but can’t kill yourself? Yeah you’re happy sometimes but usually you’re dead inside. You can’t hurt yourself but if an accident happened you’d be just fine.
She carries three rocks in her pocket One is the peble that lead her to a mountain One is the lump that formed in her throat One is the boulder of silence that sat still in your mouth These rocks are heavy
Why can I never find words on my tongue? They lay curled up in my palms instead, leaking into the ink of pens or clutched in fists like painkillers or sleeping pills.   The voice in my head constructed
I want to die, I'm scared of death, So sometimes I just hold my breath. I close my eyes and count to ten, I pussy out and breath again.
All of these drugs won't do shit, not one shot, not one hit. I'll still wake up in the morning, wishing my life wasn't so boring. I don't wanna get high or fly, I just wanna fucking die.
Dear Mom,
Man, her smile is so big, why is she so happy? Why is she always smiling? She sits alone, always looking in her phone But what they didn't know is that there is a battle going on
He stands in the cornerShade a shadow of black thoughts in my headDraws weights in my skin drawing out
Muted grey Shades of pain Blurry sneers My arms stretched out Coils freeze on my limbs Hanging above soulless concrete
How is it that I am still alive? How is it that today I am awake and maintaining hope that things will get better when I can feel myself spiraling out of control? There have been days...
Soul of Darkness Eyes don't lie Heart filled with hurt Mind filled with dirt Lips always curled into a smile Mouth filled with laughter Dimples are always showing She says she's happy
 You say its always me You say its all my fault You say i caused everything For once can YOU! take the blame   I am tired of you saying their name So tired of the way you treat me
Created for relationship - that's what they say. Severely precious. Always enough. Captivating. Longed for. Loved. Fought for. Full of potential. Bought at the highest price.
"Counselor" by Zarinah Alarcon   I’m that girl that sits up late at night with thoughts constantly running through my head.
Do you want to know what lurks in the deep? Beneath my bare skin and white teeth Sitting deep within the bones Screaming, aching, and groaning. In the endless pit within my mind The voices echoing…
i tried to tell the moon goodnight,   but the words were stuck in the back of my mind   unable to escape from behind  
The sad part is how easy it would be to just give it all up. To forget the work to forget the dream the sweat the blood  the tears.   It is a matter of will they say
he shut the door as he shut his eyes Seconds ago he kissed his brother goodnight Minutes ago he told his parents he loved them Hours ago he stared at his teachers blankly Days ago
I don't remember how it began. I don't remember exactly when it started; whether it was back in fifth grade or freshman year.
Trying to write what i feel Putting emotions into words Trying to explain these things I dont even know what they are When the words won’t come out
The person who always looks happy Is the one that gets hurt the most The person who always care about others Is the one that gets hurt the most The person who always works hard
One of the hardest things I do Is talk to you. It doesn't happen until I snap, And all hell breaks loose. I try to tell you, But the words are impossible to find. When I do my best it is dismissed.
It seems now a days im having more dreams Were im falling straight down No destination in sight No light to guide Sometimes I wish I would just reach the end Cause it seems more and more these days
When Robbin Williams died,Suicide,My family sighed saying, that's just how things are sometimes.
when i was about to suicide when i was about to kill myself you stayed around me so i'd  stopped feeling worthless-myself.   do you know what you'd said? you said that i matter.
A sword flashes through my sight Blood flying from its blade I’m entranced It’s beautiful   I stand slack The image firm in my mind
There is the slight moment of regret where we wish we could take it back and if even for just a fraction of a second we may hope it just scares us out of doing it again.  
It's funny, y'know? How you can know someone Know everything about them Share memories, spend countless hours with them And then one day As if out of nowhere, THe memories fade
What really sucks the most is when you pour yourself into one person who promises they won't leave, And as time goes  on, You gradually drift apart by no fault of your own.
That moment When you are so scared To lose people, You keep dangerous People in your life, And no matter how much You know you should leave, You're terrified of hurting them
Silent. Only buzzing above, soft crinkles below. Days roll by The silence, deafening. My words carry out, stretching on for miles and miles Yet no one hears Piece by piece Little by little
Depression i not justblack clothesblack hairand ruined makeup. Depression can befloral dressescurled hairand a bright smile. Please, do not stereotypean illness
Sticks and stonesmay break my bonesbut words will tear my skin apart. Sticks and stonesmay bruise my skinbut a bladeis what almost killed me.
I’m asleep oh so gentle, so calm. I wake up to a touch on my arm. I jump up scared thinking he’s back, I then notice the feeling was myself touching my arm. “Anyone there?” I ask frightened.
i honestly dont know what you expected this isnt a poem you want to know how much i want attention? yeah me too.
Her uniquely coloured hair,  Her icey blue eyes.  No one really knows,  Her life is full of lies.  Her smile looks so real,  But she knows she's just a fake.  Everyday she wonders, 
We overcome obstacles everyday They make us view things differently from yesterday Overcoming an obstacle, takes us a step closer to being wiser
Oh! Fork, you are so silver and strong. You help me eat my salad. This is why I write a ballad.   Oh! Fork with no distinct handle. Picked up ham, cucumber and leaf Cheese and Onion and beef  
"Something I would say:
In the hanging garden. Death. Death is calling. It wants. It needs. For me. To be set free.  
A thought is all it takes
It was on that dark, depressing night So very silent Giving me nothing to do But think Think about everything that has ever happened That I have ever done I was contemplating my life
Dear Love
Problems at home, problems at school She didn't know where she belonged She thought she could take this much pain Well guess what, little girl think again Naaaa i ent saying that shes blame
Go on, do it I dare you Eliminate the innocence Illuminate the sky There’s no need for your presence? I can assure you that’s a lie How could this have happened? I invested my trust in you
Sliding my fingers
A seventeen year old cocaine addict
When you reach rock bottom There's not much that can help The drugs are never enough You've reached a personal hell That's how I was And I've got a story to tell About my journey to the demon
How dare you stare down at me Such cold hostilitity radiating from your soul How dare you find the notion That I am below the ground you tread   I will make you consume all that I stand for
Contemplation
Demons live But not at night;
I met a guy who made me believe
I'm sorry But I can't go on Living in worry My heart is a con To the pro's of life It hurts to love Someone who doesn't strife Not to shove Me down every time I get close.
I looked in the mirror today, only to see the androgynous face , of a broken Gothic stone angel gazing back at me,
Ghosts of hatred  screams of pain words of torture   one fear one leader army of a million  one thousand dark thoughts    crys for help 
A knife to my chest Or a gun to my head as i  breathe my last breath though  im already  dead Who cares if i die Or is this just satans lies its myself i despise All these tears i done cried
would you miss me if i died? Would you stay up late at night if you knew today was my goodbye would you try when you woke because your the one who wished it on me would you try to call the next day
Even though she looks unhappy to be here, every time the last bell rings she doesn't hustle out the door like the rest of them do.
I let it go. I gave up. I stood my ground and was put down.
She does not know when to behave, never asked me if I am ok, criticizing and jabbing at my brain, the pounding heartbreaking pain. She knows there is someone to blame,
Trapped.  She is trapped with no way out. The fraction of hope that she contains is the only thing that is keeping her sane, if that is what she is. At this point, there is no doubt in her mind that he will return.
Drowning. She is drowning in the loneliness that is clouding her thoughts. When she thought. If she thought; she thinks she feel him, just in the back of her mindset.
"he's still here."   here.   Here and gone. The words meld into one.    I screamed. I cried. I lost my mind. Is it possibly to feel so much at the same time?
Forever heed the soldiers call The blood of innocence shall they steal And shall king kneel 'Till army fall   The face of purity soldier maul So still,  silent sound
There's a stillness to the air. Quiet fills the space. Soffocating in it's entirety at the center lies a soul scarred and fading. Tears stream from closed eyes.
It's when I'm here but not here
I'm here hiding Hiding under this thick shell I'm tired of lying I will raise some hell Bring all of my flowing emotions out in the air I'm done with being this person
The smile brings joy as the eyes bring sorrow and as the mouth tells of yesterday the eyes tell of tomorrow
Wash away this pain, Like black rain, Leave a mark where you go, So I won’t have to know, It’s hurting me inside, Since my love died, I can’t forget what I never know,
A dirty house but not a home. Fighting, thieving, unfortunate parents. I'm embarrassed to call them my own. Ashamed of the walls, the scratches and the dents.
Who is to blame? Abuse and neglect, it will all leave little girl a wreck. Tired of the same thing. Every day, every night, nothing changes, it will never be right. Waking up to screaming, bloody white tears are gleaming.
There is a mess, a clutter, a crowd that she found, A thing that we run from that follows her  around. A climax, a friction, a trick that she believed- A gift that she thought that she had received.
Recently, I've had a problem with suicide... Just thinking about it, you know? Seems like things would be a lot easier If I just died. No bills to pay,  No worries No one to disappoint
Sitting here inside myself Specters ruminate  Suicidal apathy  My ego is irate   As I melt into my chair Dazed and a bit confused
At 6, she wanted to be a ballerina.At 9, she wanted to be a doctor.At 14, she wanted to be skinny.At 16, she wanted to be dead.
They don’t teach you not to be small.I’ve been in a million classrooms that teach us not to get too big and make sure we exercise enough.Never have I heard, “Don’t get too small.”
PTSD, bi polar, adhd, and borderline personality disorder they say. Born dependant on crack cocaine, marijuana, and alcohol. Two weeks in the niccu, which I was lucky it was just two.
What were you thinking? Letting her feel so alone she was crying, hurting and breaking Bones were what the mirror shown All she wanted was someone to care For someone to finally be there
Oh my dear, I can hardly wait.Soon we two shall dance with the teasing belladonna hoping to ensnare us bothYou have been too long without a partner, but you have been beautiful  
You’d never know the mess she made; she always locked the door behind her The cold made her ever more careful, she could never be too sure What she did in the dark she kept to herself, she wanted to fool them all
He was wounded in more ways than one
You know that place between sleep and awake?
I miss the days where we could be carefree. No bills. No anger of any real sort. No stress. No money to worry about managing. But that was a world we lived in as children. Young and unaware of the World's true colors.
the first time i hated myself, i was 9 years old. groups of soulless children followed me around the schoolyard calling me diseased ridden, disgusting, fat... the laughed as my tears splashed on the table at which i sat 
is it sad that tonight as i prayed i asked god  that if someone was to die tonight...  if someone who doesn't deserve to die... someone who is loved and is pure of heart
Ripping my
she has cuts on her arms, she blames the cat,
The tears fall from her faceLike a river that never endsThe pain that she feelsClawing its way throughThey laugh and jokeNot seeing what it's doingTearing the hole bigger
Do not say goodbye, please hear me out first; I love you, and know that I’m on your side You say it’s done and it couldn’t get worse While you reflect on the tears you have cried.  
They call me the "Ice Queen" for a reason. I honestly don't know what happened. Even when I was kid, young, naive, and believing in everything, I didn't believe in myself
Don't tell me you're sorry If it takes my blood Dripping to the floor For you to notice   You're not truly sorry You're just desperate For a quick relief  
I used to look down a lot My head full of melancholic thoughts And myself  so weighed down I could not stand up.   In fact I was falling, deeper and deeper into a depression
Nearly crumbling on the edge of sanity — tip-toed, teetering and tottering I am ready to collapse at any given moment, at any given second. I am fairly certain of my inadequate understanding of this world.
BPD
Slipping soundless.
3,014 days since you breathed your last breath. 3,014 days since you last felt pain. 3,014 days I have been given to wonder if making it to the next day would be worth it.
You talk a great deal about your struggles. You pin them up like badges of honor when really you are a coward hiding in the corner behind those "friends" you deem your pawns.
You sit in the corner in the darkness. Hiding from everyone else. You hide your scars as everyone laughs. You're an outcast. They label you as an EMO FREAK! Nobody cares.
I’m sorry if it’s strange, but I don’t feel right And it’s taken me a while to figure out why. Now it’s hit me, I know why I feel so undone. I’m just not fighting anymore.
Thank you teacher For not seeing in the bleachers A child sits there through the violence In silence. He is tormented and attacked With the words which he speaks not back To the ones who
When you have a bad day and you're tired and torn, when you look up to the sky  and ask why you were born, don't let it get to you, because you're better than that. Don't let it trouble you,
Teacher, TeacherCan't you seeWhat this life is doing to me? Can't sleep at nightDue to memories and fearAnxiety chewing away at meA family that doesn't care
Understand, this is not right.Listen, hear me warn you.This is not a fair fight.You will fail, win, lose.
If only I would have told her, Just once, That I loved her. If only I would have smiled, Just once, To show I cared. If only I would have stood, Just once, When no one would,
   When you've hit your lowest point it's so easy to go back. You can smile the pain away, but it has the potential to attack.
My hand, yes it hurts but my mind hurts more. Why do I write you ask? Because I can't go back to how I was before.  I can't afford to be that girl Who feels the need to end it all.
  They don't understand. The more they put me down , the more I feel like hurting myself.
If I were on a bridge, I’d jump off.   If I had a gun to my face, I’d pull the trigger.   If I had a knife close by, I’d stab myself.   If I had scissors in my hand,
Behind,this fake smile,Is a  sad,pathetic,ugly,Lil' Girl,Hiding a million tears,Within her "hyper" self,But at night,This all changes,The tears rolling out,like a severe Thunderstorm
So young with highs as sharp as mountain peaks, and lows deeper than the bottom of the sea. The flashes of emotions were killing me, and the pills were not healing me. In my head there were bits and pieces
I write because Actions can never completely suffice. We are to control ourselves But there is a war raging within me.  
You're so sad, your tears illuminate a dreariness that words can't describe, you're so angry, the wrath of your fury is something you can't hide.
"I've lost all hope of you ever doing anything right!" "You will never amount to anything!" These phrases and more echoing through my head "Just end it now!" I think as I collapse behind the door
Your left your past behind, Along with me. Had you forgotten? The man who you were supposed to be?
Inspire me beloved poetry, surrounded in nothingness, alone and lonely, no place to call home but hell, but if hell is my realm then what next may come, asked I the suicidal bastard son,
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