hopelessness

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The teacher told me to study more. My family wanted me to do well in school, And because of the teacher, my grades began to soar.   Studying soon became a chore,
Depression is a black cloud That hangs over my head And follows me everywhere I’ve tried to run I’ve tried to self medicate I’ve tried talking it out I’ve tried crying till my tears dry up
It's been too long since I wrote an actual poem. Phrases, lyrics, verses, whatever they're called, they just don't come to me like they use to anymore. Burdens, mistakes, curses, whatever my excuse is,
I don't know what I'm doing or what I have been doing or what I want to do   but it's coming to an end and I'm unsure
I can't hold on, I can't let go... I keep on breathing But each breath is suffocating. My heart keeps pounding But in my own blood, I'm sinking.
There's been ample bloodshed, There's been plenty of death. They've had enough pillage, They've had enough breath.   They've taken my childhood,  One I didn't get the chance to know.
your presence opened up a new ray of sanguinity that enveloped my soul into a layer of diminished sanctuary that i embraced wholeheartedly and nourished like a decaying flower
People are not all that they seem, streams of lowered self-esteem. Darkness running through and through, constantly running into you. Hopelessness keeps you up,  you are falling into a rut.
Some may ask why I don't cry.
I'm not here I'm not here I'm so far from  where my path is gonna take me   I'll be smiling      but I don't mean it   I'll be laughing        but I don't feel it   
I want to know why the sky is blueAnd why Death must come so soonWithout warning, life is dueBut not ever knowing why the sky is blue.   I want to know where the willows lie--Why their hearts can never dieAnd Mother Earth will always denyWe're sea
It's funny how stuff works out, No matter how loud I shout, You can't hear. It's funny how shrill I cry, Funny how much I try To disappear. But it's the holiday season, so what is my reason to die?
The razor no longer slides through my wrist,  But I'm bleeding through the falling tears. I have it all. I have the friends. I have the love. I have the family.
...
What doesn't kill you makes you stronger Or so it is said But depression didn't kill me Just made me wish I was dead Ironic.......isn't it? I was stuck in the darkness Hadn't seen light for a while
Dear Creation,   I am at a crossroads with myself a sinner with high standards believing that someday I’ll find happiness with someone
I am ancient hopes,  I am fragile dreams,  I am the stony, hardened tears of a soul with too many years, in a journal with degraded seams as a blind heart in darkness gropes  
I used to have this feeling of connectivity but its gone now and I can't get it back but I want it back   Please,  Please don't shut me out I don't have anyone  
When you head down a corruptive path Darkness is what you will often find Nothing but a somber and gloomy matter One may sadly lose their mind All of your trust is thrown out the window
it is difficult to have loved someone who will never feel the same, because a hopeless love is the emptiest and loneliest love there could ever be. lessons can be learned, however,
The worst part is that no matter who I am with I am lonely So lonely that I will slice open my skin bag in hopes that I will find friends in my scars But I never do I only find blood
It was here, that I found myself close to the edge And I almost thought, with you, I could find a pledge, To destroy this part of me that wanted to commit my own death
I dont wanna cry. I dont wanna lie about what happened in my past anymore. I dont wanna wake up in the morning and see the same face that hurts me everyday. I dont wanna see the sun anymore.
  Boom! Crash! Snap. "We can't protect the fallen. We can't relieve the screeching Even if we try."   Trembling and weak
It has become so that tears and water droplets are too similar.
Mechanical gears grinding in a damp room beneath the surface Metal on metal , ear piercing racket , the noise resonates within  Yet remains muted from above
He's done unspeakable things He's torn lives apart Yet I still hear wedding bells ring They ring within my heart   Oh, love, you make me foolish The lack of you makes me weak
Dry
Salt-scented air blows In the desert of my mind A hollow promise
It has been said That lions are the fiercest of beings Strong jaws, sharpened teeth -  Ready to pounce.    Every day the lion waited I saw him around corners Prowling in the distance
What do I do? What do I say? Feelings They are sharp Poison-tipped arrows The bow string is pulled tight Soon it will release They will harm Anything they touch
Disappointment after disappointment. Don't put your trust or hopes in any person, don't place your self-constructed expectations on anyone, Or else disappointment, sadness, and hopelessness is all you will feel.
When I was a young boy, I had a conversation with my mother. I asked her why she gave me the nickname "Chipmunk," And she said it was because I had the eyes of a chipmunk, Bright and curious and full of life,
My heart is best decribed as being a bird in a bottle, with fleeting wings beating against glass lungs.   It sits on the border of yesterday's panic and tomorrow's desperation,
Can't anyone see me? See this fake smile on my face? See these tears that I hold back? Can't you see the pain that I'm in? You all see this wall of protection that I have put up, 
He was getting ready to go to work that hot morning when she called him. He hadn’t expected to hear from her and now that her name was splashed across the screen of his ringing phone, he didn’t know what to think. He was both excited and scared.
My despondency wraps it's arms around me, Motherly embrace, I cannot walk away.. My pathos leading me to beautiful mourning, Waves of melancholy spreading all over my body.. I cannot walk away.
With stained eyes and blurry vision I tried and tried with much precision But no matter what I couldn’t do it, I couldn’t take away the emptiness I felt However, I did gain a deeper understanding I can barely articulate,
The idiot stares at the page And reads his own death sentence And signs his name proudly on the bottom I guess I'm an idiot then. Cause every word I write takes time,
i'm not upset i'm not upset i'm not upset i'mnotupseti'mnotupseti'mnotupset i'mnotcrying i'mokay i'll be alive tomorrow and life will move on and what i'm left out of and what i don't get
I was happy. Exuding confidence with each breath. To a fault, but my favorite fault. And eternal fire in my mind, kindling the holy rush that was my ego.
It claims the silence Strangles the hope, full of hollow eyes and Haunted souls and shudders of chilling rains. The trap is taut. I trip.
I am unloved and unwanted I wonder if I will ever be accepted  I hear the voices in my head  I see them laughing at me I want to be accepted I am unloved and unwanted  
Captured  Fearful bird Tremor overrides Prisoner my body Heart died from fright Captured this poor soul Freedom lost Happiness dead Broken soul
Guilt speaks desperately and the infinite stream of sanity
tired of crying, a final tear fell 
 Am I lost or have I looked too far into the truth into the valley of death where we all perish in? 
I can't breathe anymore. I'm drowning. How did I end up here? I am just failing, my inner self is cracking. Nothing is important anymore: my hopes my dreams nothing.
Go on, do it I dare you Eliminate the innocence Illuminate the sky There’s no need for your presence? I can assure you that’s a lie How could this have happened? I invested my trust in you
 Ode to Darkness   You have existed  since the beginning  of time and for too many years and to too many minds have been misunderstood  
I'm listing in these waters of oxidized dust,
She's so far gone it's like she was never here Just a hint of a glimpse of a what if,
Don't go, please don't he cried out to his sun as her restless waves crashed his words into one His numb, brittle fingers tried to lift her spirit up but the moon continued to linger
If I didn't change methen I don't know how I'd beI've lived my life through broken memoriesof who I once wasmixed with all the people who have shaped meinto the thing I am today
Heavy heart chains around her ankle
The silence that fills his ears mirrors the emptiness that lives within him.Yet the chaos that controls his mindpenetrates as deeply as the scars that litter his skin.
Slit my wrists and hope to die Not for one more second do I want to have open eyes Leave this world eternally Sleep forever, oh so blissfully No more worries to keep me up No reason to give a fuck
To cut, to release The anger exploding out like a beast From the pain my family inflicts Becomes physical abrasions on my wrist But my wrist alone does not suffer My left arm now also encounters
There is a secret to the monsters You see They crash and burn When it is that you succeed   Strive for happiness Strive for love  Strive for God
There comes a time in your life  When you stop checking Behind shower curtains and under beds Because you feel as if you would be better off If the monster got you anyway
when is it approprate to give up and give in when can the breathing stop and the struggles cease to be must this tradegy continue must there be a crash and burn cannot this end here and now
Thousands of voices, Millions of people, Harmony, But not a symphony,
I mean something important To Nobody
I want to be a slave. I’ll bear the mark of my master, I’ll wear the chain, I’ll cry myself to sleep at night, I’ll endure the pain, I want to be a slave.  
         My soul is in agony, because you’re loving he whom is not meI cringe by the thought of your memory; my emotions keep running through my bowels and my thoughts become rancidI love you but I hate you,
I can see the edge,  But I cannot see over it.  I'm holding on tight,  But I have nothing to show for it.  I know what comes next;  I'm familiar with this pattern.  But when this starts to bend, 
The point of this is to be heard Among a crowd, one reads my word My story and struggle one must listen
Want, want, want words wishing I want to overdose on premature nostalgia
The human race is full of malcontent, bigotry, ignorance, and destruction, But the majority of you, so happy giddy people on social media, only fill your news feeds with funny memes and meaningless statuses.
There is no day as was such yesterday, There was time to whistle and scream, with all the gleefulness of being gay. How happy those longs lost day seem to be, as we stand on the cliff looking over seas.  
She was a flower, She held herself high, Strong, White and filled with innocence. But someone came along, He took away the flower's sunlight, He uprooted the flower, Put her in a dark corner.
Run
If I ran out of the room. Would you chase me, and save me from my doom? Would you run after me?  
I’m just
  So this is me Shoegazing Always An epiphany And your garage rock sound Does nothing to stir me I just sit back Watching the flow Smooth over my edges
I’m waiting for someone to rescue me I turn and pray endlessly Where has innocence gone to? This world is plagued by darkness and no way to restore it
  She wakes up Feels the rush All in one motion Takes in the sickness Because it peels skin Until she bleeds It clouds over her mind Until it is black and toxic  
Lost in that great forest.  Overwhelming darkness all around.  It is confusion, it is fear, you taste it, hear it,  smell it on your own breath. The footsteps of many a lost soul linger
Vulerable, Alone, Unstable. Without the makeup, you can't make a smile You can only cry because you don't have your costume. Desparate As you look for a way out Darkness Because you don't see the light
My voice leaves no echo. I can shout, holler, scream Cry, beg, or plea, But nothing would happen, Nobody would come, As if my voice has no echo, No sound, No meaning.
Stretched in all directions, a reflection of where you stand. Left in, to fend with no defense, horizons end is arid sand. Tongue is numbed, a dry sponge in your mouth on which you choke.
Happiness lost within a tired reality A reality that rather be fiction Fiction that wishes to be reality The mind unravels to an unwanted place a place that's been deferred  
I venture  the old paths and   travel the long roads.
My fortune renders me silent. An expression of the lost Finds a hole in my chest. I see the parallels in the death of a star.
J1
the only thing i can hear is my heart beating in my ears and the water coming from the shower head  shhhhhh lub-dub lub-dub lub-dub my mind is still i’ve never felt pain like this before
Not many people have experienced true loneliness It comes with the feeling of hopelessness And makes you feel completely empty inside It will make you want to curl up in a corner
Sympathetic, I am told my eyes are beautiful and cerulean; although, my emotions are not transparent.  They blend and shift across the parallel planes of my persona into realms of other kinds.
"Hope deferred makes the heart grow sick," But Hopelessness seems faithful; true; sincere. While Life through darkened billow beckons "Come!", The heart finds haven under Fear.
I look out across the dingy city. Towers loom over the filthy streets, the roads, broken, have no destination, and the street signs, blank, give no direction.
Tell me a story, friend, in the empty watches of the night where only you and I exist on this perilous edge. But don’t, don’t tell me about the tears in my eyes or the bruises on your lips
Out of hope with no where to run God's plan for me seems to be none However when a light is seen Be not tentative to take the lead So when in despiration never doubt That the good lord will show you the way out
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