relapse

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I remember the day I tried to die. The feeling of the blood flowing out of my veins no longer calmed me, The pain from the blade no longer distracted me,
I am only two years, seven months older two x’s don’t bother me now and they came round    this summer, remain adamant  name is going to be Aaron, one who is a mountain of strength 
I don’t even know where to begin My whole world has collapsed I feel like an unwanted sin How do you tell someone you’ve relapsed? The pain I see in my friend’s eye The immense guilt she feels crushes me
I went there again You know... The dark place Where I swore I wouldn't go anymore I did the thing I said I wouldn't do again But I did I'm sorry
When I was 11, I started starving myself When I was 13, I started cutting myself When I was 15, I kissed a boy who had a girlfriend When I was 16, I made a lot of mistakes When I was 16, I decided I needed to change
  Dear Anna. 
  Dear Anna. 
Spiteful Mind, Masochistic Nature, Why must you be here?   Black Outs, Red Rivers, Why must you come so often?   Broken Soul Crushed Heart, How am I still alive?  
Sitting here daydreamingAll the time my brain is…Scheming, scheming, scheming. Even given all I knowMy brain just wantsAnother go, another go Consequences do not deter me now It won't hurt, here's how Nothing can stop this trainMy addled alcoholic
       It starts out as a temporary fix. You tell yourself it won't happen again. All the emotions build up. The stress. The pain. The emptiness. Each thought. Each cut. Each stroke of the blade on the skin. An incision deeper then the last.
My owner wants me to play catch So he keeps throwing his pretty frisbee my way   The frisbee may be pretty, but I want to chase my tail
What? No I want to feel unchained   What? No I want to breathe free   What? No This isn't fair I want to live I want to care   Please don't do this again
Oh, how I miss you, You and your horrible ways, Oh, how good you feel.
I was never meant to attain remission; The persistent emptiness was always terminal. You were the IV that pumped saline through my veins, the sheets
Cool breezy autumns spent resting on park benches
Just when you think You've got it under control
I can make believe that I don't feel this way
they say that r e l a p s e is part of r e c o v e r y. well, i sure hope
Death is opportunity Life is the challenge.   Opportunity to relapse Challenge to stay above.   Opportunity to give up Challenge to remain on track.   I am a survivor.
A day. 24 hours. 1,440 minutes. 84,600 seconds. So many things can change. shift. evolve. dissolve. resolve.  Revolve around useless emotions and empty words. Who you were at 8am is not who you are at 8pm.
There was a habit once kicked, it was nasty and it was gone. Three years of it controlling a life, three years of a voice, a nag, something that had all the control yet none at all. 
I’m sitting in my room curled up on my bed in so much pain Why I did everything right I did what my doctors told me would I ate my vegetables, my fruits, my carbs, my protein I ate my fat
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