ftm

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He is hiding in her skin Always trying to keep his head above the tide Living inside her phantom form The dysphoria a tidal wave washing over his head Like red hot lava gushing out of a volcano ready to erupt
Sitting in the dark. Dreams vivd. If only they were from the milk drank or the cheese eaten. Much, much deeper in the soul, it leeches. Somehing of a scratch it was.
i slept in my binder last night, the fabric compressing tight holding my ribs close
Hope is a magical word, Happiness fluttering aghast in the wind Blowing fears and uncertainty behind me I see a world reborn Relentless to strife As if it has cut away my anxiety like a knife
  it came to me under the guise of well-meaning concern for my body, my chemicals, my family, my voice, my potential future lovers
Dear girl I used to be…I’m sorry.I’m sorry for the lies, I’m sorry for making you put on that disguiseA fake smile, a fake face, a fake body and a fake placeIn this world, telling you what you needed to be
I, am Eli Gene Smith Yes, I am pansexual, No, that doesn’t mean I make out with pans. Yes, I am pansexual, But no, I do not fall in love with every person I meet.
My fingertips go numb Yet, somehow I am able to clench a fist The thought of punching you in the face overtakes me, but I stuff it down I want to watch you suffer Just as you had made me
I've finally thrown her out of my house.I defenestrated the cunt after all these years.I still catch drops of her blood pooling underneath the doormat and dripping from the leaves overhead of my porch.                                              
Dear little girl,  It's okay, no need to fear. You were meant to be here. Your contemplation and hesitation Don't let it cloud you; don't let it drown you.Just do what you do; be you. One day you'll have all the fun.One day you won't have
dear dad,   you look at me when i am a woman, pretty pink dress clung like a leech sucking content from my skin.
Dear Abusive Boyfriend, Dear Binder, Three-in-Five Three-in-Five Three. In. Five. I was part of three-in-five. I was with him for One year and three months. One year and three months.
Dear Me, I am transgender  And I am afraid of the world I am afraid to walk out of my house,  For the fear that someone may hurt me for being me.  I fear that I will not find love,
August 23, 2017   Dear Mom, Please read this entire letter through and don't skip around; read this before opening the email I sent you. Please keep an open mind. I love you!
T
Terrible. Tasteless. Taboo.   All are words to describe, What I long for.   It doesn't hurt me, It doesn't hurt you, So why does it matter?   Terrific.
Adjusting the disgusting bra on my chest, I flip ratty, old dress over my head. Glancing in the mirror, I feel so wrong.  
One year older, Another year lost. Another year waiting, I paid the cost.   One year of dysphoria, And hiding from the summer sun. One year of being ignored, Stuffed under the pink rug.
Help me! I trapped inside someone whom I’ll never be. The phrases thrown at me feel like a dagger in the back. Being hurt by those closest to me. I know they don’t mean it.
My collorbones like handles poking through my skin The rungs of a ladder to pull me out and set me free And when I pull to climb out of this wretched body I feel instead myself crumble and fold within
I am trapped in the closet, Such a scary place, With monsters around me, About to bite my face.   I hold on for dear life, Day after day, Waiting, just waiting, Will I fade away?  
Am I not human, For having the courage, To stand up, And embrace who I am?   I am no different from you, We eat the same food, Breath the same air, Is it just because I wear a binder,
Once Upon A Time There was a princess who was deemedmost beautiful of them all. She didn’t want the title,and the title didn’t want her.For she never felt beautiful.
I feel like Mulan set in Modern time  no longer a cross-dressing warrior for you to fetishize  I'm real, my hair cut short and two useless boobs I have to bind. My identity?  How nice, you'll call it mine? 
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When I look in the mirror  I see a face rottiong away  I don't know who she is  But I know it's not who I am    What am I?  Who is she?  Why's this mirror always lying to me ?   
He’s just a token Of his family’s disappointment A silent reminder of what’s bad All the dark in this world He’s just a token
Do you know what it feels like, To run your fingers through the freshly shorn grass Behind your ears, For the first time, And to feel the steady crackle of your heartbeat, Burning like a hearth, like home.
Man: an adult, human male. Man. Whose gender is defined solely by his genitals.  Man. He who is strong, and brave, and masculine. Man. That which, I am not. 
Why does it offend you?   Why do we offend you?   Why do I offend you?   Why does Love, offend you?  
She's a perfect little girl, When she spins her skirt twirls, Her hair is more beautiful than a thousand gems, But the truth is she doesn't fit in with the other femmes, Everyone says she's a perfect little girl,
I'll never be enough, I'll never be tall enough to fit in with other boys, I'll never be cool enough to be surrounded by people, I'll never be 'one of the boys,' But that's ok,
The boys say I'm not one of them, The girls say I can't come in, The gays say I don't belong, The rest say this is just wrong, Where do I fit in? My friend likes pink so he wears it,
I’m a boy like any other, you’d know if you looked at me, But when I walk with all my friends, all they say is she, When someone calls me my real name, I just want to cry, But I’d never say anything or I’d be mortified,
Some people look at me. Look again, recognize my gender. Please tell me that you know what I mean. My existence means that the world is changing.
P-O-U-... I spell out my town's name, so familiar on my lips. The rose hips I keep forgetting to make tea with, the pitch of pines and gossipping voices. Wind behind your back, whispering when your head's turned.
The heart behind his false chest The voice so weak from shaking breaths The blood so damn unnecessary The mirror lies. His body's scary. She is a stranger. A ghost. A monster.
I feel like my dreams have become so small.I used to dream big dreamsLike being president,A firefighter,An Austronaut,A baker.But now I’m so simple.All my dreams are T.
He always looks as though he’s tasted something bitter, so much so that i wonder if the cigarette he lifts to his lips tastes sweet to him. He smiles at me like he’s holding back tears,
A baby, not even a moment oldIts story is unwritten, clean, untoldGrows into a child, encouraged to fulfill his dreamsJust be sure to fit within society’s scheme
one year on, one year on Two arrows
one year on, one year on Two arrows
I hate what oppression has done for my group. "Maybe you just haven't found the right man yet."   I hate what oppression has done for my group. "Who treated you wrong?"  
Transgender A word that brings Fear.   That brings dysphoria, confusion, invasive questions Fear of entering another's home and being attacked By their transphobic parents  
When one is born, the doctor says, "It's a boy!" or "It's a girl!"
No one knows the anxiety I face Never understanding the difficulties of being in my place I'm a man, in a womens shell Forever living every day in my dysphoric hell. I'm used to being just another guy,
I'm lost in the sense of who I am and who I'm supposed to be. My brain and heart work just fine but they have the hardest time communicating. Don't tell me how to feel because I've known 
His lips touch mine; they nip and pull, and although I see sweet succulent lips characteristic of a woman, I feel a man’s powerful grip against the curve of my body. They hold me close, desperate and compulsive.
The emphasis placed on between the legs Is what is reflected in the world today We have become so consumed with a person's sex That it takes precedence over the person they are Who they will become
When you walk through the halls and students don't know If you're a boy or a girl, and think their confusion don't show
“Where the Moon Sleeps”
Free Baby beluga in the deep blue sea You swim so wild and you swim so free Heaven above and the sea below
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