borderline personality disorder
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HOW
After all these years
After all these fucking years
HOW
Do I still feel the same
HOW
After all these years
After all these fucking years
NOTHING
Nothing has changed
Ode to a woman
Dear Woman,
You are sad but you are beautiful
All the tears you shed
Yet,
Every single last one
Wish I hadn’t said goodbyethe sadness envelops meI keep asking myself “Why?”Why not put me out to sea
Every dayEvery momentEvery time
I look in the mirror
I see a facedefeatedwhen I should see a facewar torn and victorious
Its hard when your biggest enemy is your own reflection
Its hard when you hate yourself for craving protection
For someone to relieve you of the constant low
Someone to remove the fear of rejection
My face, is just a face,
You can’t say you know me
after just one glimpse.
My face, is just a face,
The smile I wear
I’m unsure of who I am,
I’m unsure of my identity.
I’m unsure of my sexuality,
I’m unsure of who I want to be.
I’m unsure if I even want to live,
I’m unsure of my religious beliefs.
Person?
Dead soul?
Even have a soul?
No one.
I am no one.
This is me-
no-
No.
This isn’t me.
Who am I?!
She was hungry, peaked and breathless
“I’m starving”
Words meant to manipulate
I capitulate
“How big is the salami?”
“Roll it up with cream cheese, have you ever
Had that before?”
you can
be as
kind &
as loving
as you
want.
but
i still won't
believe that
i deserve
you. i'll
disappoint you.
suck the light
This is a tide coming into the beach
Only we all know in the next six hours
It will down us out as Tsunamis do.
Every little piece of home we ever clung to
Wiped out to start anew.
My eyes used to shine so bright but then it changed.
Time passed
days, weeks, months a year had gone by.
I couldn’t remember the last time I had smiled with ease.
It's only her and I, alone in our abyss,
a mind at odds of whom to miss.
The girl must decide for one to stay,
to chose her final destiny.
The 'good' one yells for me to go, but what she doesn't know?
(((I copied this from my previous account that was deleted, Please enjoy)))
I catch a glimpse of your dimples when you laugh,
Thinking to myself,
Why are you still here?
I watch as you water the garden we planted together,
Thinking to myself,
Why are you still here?
Tempest resolve within me,Cursing these waters with intrusive collision.Meeting crest by crest with defiance.Clamor and upheaval, I dwindle away;The saline waters eroding this fleshy vessel.
I swallow the pills,
I chase them with the vodka given to me on my birthday 5 months ago.
The tears stop
Everything slows down
My heart begins to slow down
tonight is one of those nights where
i am clawing at the bed sheets hoping to find
the comfort that the mattress store promised.
can’t tell people anything
they think i’m crazy
i guess i am
but all i need
is someone to listen
and understand
without having to plead
i'm emptyfor a minuteit doesn't hurt anymoresomething to take my pain awayfor a few minutesit feels goodi've adapted to the pain mysuffering is not that badbut the doctors
what’s that?
oh, it was just the cat
she was clueless
what’s on your wrist?
oh, it’s just a scratch
i was working outside
You see,
attention does not
equal love, but
my brain just can't
seem to get that.
When I'm not
what's in your mouth
or hands or eyes,
I rot.
I count up
Don't give up, it get's better.
Don't let those eyes get any wetter.
Don't beat yourself up or tear yourself down.
Don't give the world its saddest sound.
Don't let your mind lose itself.
What does it feel like to be dead?
Is it cold? Slimy? Painful?
What does it feel like to exist?
Would I miss her advice when she shows me how,
How to survive and stand up for myself?
Even in ways that are bad for my health.
Bad for my already manic, young mind
I live with my enemy she revels in my sadness
she smiles when I am in pain
and cries when I am washed with relief
I am what she wishes and I wish what she wants
she is my demon, my unhappiness is her smile
I am angry, I am sad
Everyone around me is fearful
No one truly understands why
I am fearful, I dont understand
Why do I run away
Why can I not control it
All I can do is except
The moon is a symbolDespite the darkness, somewhere out there is our source of light
Click, switch – laughter
silly girl, full of joy
Click, switch – anger
holes in walls, bruised fingers
Click, switch – pain
curled in a ball, bleeding at the wrist
Click, switch – sadness
She made you
With love and intelligence
She showed you how to be
How to live
How to see
She made you perfectly
But then she died, and you made me
With a broken heart
I have felt no one since I loved you
any sensation
percolates my membrane like juice through a honeycomb
our final moments buoy in the bluebell’s cup –
then I forgot to bite the full moon,
