1-1-19

I feel so empty

I have everything I want 

Yet nothing at all

I'm so far from my past 

Yet so far from my future

I see old friends as strangers

And family as foe

I hear words meant to help me

But they just make me choke

I'm just so empty

I look at my life and

I don't know what I see

I remember old dreams 

And I can't tell what they mean

I hear the words I love you 

But they don't mean anything

I feel for my heart 

But I can't find anything there

It's just empty

I turn distractions up 

But I can't hear a sound

I stare until I cry

And still can't find any ground

I plead to God for answers

But don't get any response

How can what I love 

Be hurting me so much

I don't know who I am

What I think

Or what I say

I don't know where to go

I'm beyond having lost my way

In crowds of people 

I sit alone

I don't know who I am 

Not a little

Not at all 

Not even the back of my hand

I want someone to love me

And save me from myself 

I want to know the answers

Hear I love you and not think hell

If people really love me

Why don't they see my pain

Or how their words just hurt my heart 

And put me deep in hell

I hate feeling so empty

Like I have no place at all

Not here

Not there 

Not anywhere

Not any place at all