#1

I love you

3 words I've never said to anyone and truly meant outside of family.

But babe when you say it, it rolls off your tongue so easily and leaves me studdering.

And when you say it my mind starts to list everything you could love and gives the negative side to everything. Like how my hair doesn't curl perfectly, or how my face is fully of acne. And how my body is full of stretchmarks,cellulite, discoloration and fat in unwanted places.

And I say he couldn't love me for my body. Then I'm like he could love me for my mind and I say stop this is fucked up.

You say anything I say can't hurt you but you don't know I have left men crying in my wake and that is with a sane mind, imagine what I could do with an insane mind. And on those nights when I can't talk and I tell you I can't hold a conversation you say ok I love you. The three word not the two words, because the two words mean something totally different than the three words if you don't know what I mean I cannot explain it to you.

And so the next morning I check my phone like I always do and you haven't said anything . So automatically I think that he's talking to one of his sides, the girls that will open their legs for him and send nudes upon request, the things that I won't send the things that you won't request. Instead of asking to see my breast you ask to see my smiling face instead of asking to see my butt you'd rather facetime, instead of asking to see my naked body you'd rather strip my mind but you've only reached my underwear the goods are still hidden.

Then slowly over time you disappear. And I realize that I was a puzzle a challenge to be solved. And when you realized that you couldn't solve it you ran. The monsters in my head will not run because of an I love you. Depression cannot be solved with sweet words and sweeter actions. And you ran. But don't worry I have company. You weren't the first and you won't be the last. The monsters always stay. But I'm just glad that I  never opened my mind to you and sent nudes of my thoughts cause then you'd be traumatized. 

 

This poem is about: 
Me

Comments

Additional Resources

Get AI Feedback on your poem

Interested in feedback on your poem? Try our AI Feedback tool.
 

 

If You Need Support

If you ever need help or support, we trust CrisisTextline.org for people dealing with depression. Text HOME to 741741