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and to take my life is not just to end mine: it would take the sleep from my siblings, as they stay awake wondering what they should have done differently, and they'd sit around the kitchen table together in silence, staring at my chair with bags under their eyes. it would take the pictures and paintings from the walls of my grandma's house, leaving behind empty space and broken memories, pain in a storage closet. it would take the job from my dad, who blames himself, and sits day after day staring out the window at the yard I'd always be out in taking pictures of the sunset, watching the moon, counting the stars it would take an unused room in the house, staying the way I left it, dust settling on the door handle never to be entered, never used a shrine of memories of when id spend my days locked away, alone with myself it is not just over the second my heart gives its last small thud, life goes on without me. my friends skip classes because they can't get the energy to move my cat spends his days looking for me, waiting for me to come home my family doesn't speak on my birthday because they wait for me to wake up so they can celebrate another year on this earth with me the tea i used to drink leaves a sour taste in everyones mouth the songs i played on repeat become forbidden sounds of grief the inside jokes become half smiles, half tears friends stop visiting the places we'd spend our days and my best friend even comes and joins me in whatever is after this life because he looked up to me and id helped him after the first attempt, and now he doesn't know where to go without me. it would take all the happiness and joy from the lives of the ones i wanted to make happy, it would pass everything i feel onto those i wanted to protect from that feeling it is so much more than just a quick 1-2-over: it is a tragedy that shakes the earth i am now buried underneath.