1 Through 6

1

The boy with brown eyes and messy hair and a much too short attention span. I met him the summer before I started high school. I fell for him, sunk so far into the oceans his mind contained that I would drown a million times before even being able to reach the surface. As fate would have it, he also lived across an ocean. The ocean was lucky I was not a swimmer or I would've gotten to him before she did.

2

The girl with crystal eyes and long hair and braces. I met her when I realized the distance of an ocean had nothing to do with the distance of the brown eyed boy's heart and mine. She carried me through the sky and over every mile that kept me far from her. She never hesitated to tell me she loved me. She never needed to apologize for being so far because her words held me. But she had arms of pretty words and romantic gestures for another girl as well.

3

The girl with brown skin and brown eyes and a perfect smile. I met her that following summer when the brown eyed boy was somewhere comfortable nestled into the arms of someone who was not me and the girl with braces was teaching me what it's like to have everything you ever wanted taken from you. When the sun would shine almost as brightly on my skin as my eyes did when she told me she loved me. She was the girl I told everything and I was the girl who became her everything. Or at least that's what she told me.

4

The boy with brown eyes and rum and far too many stories from the back of a police car. I met him that following fall at a party when the brown eyed boy was regretting what he did to me and the girl with braces was suicidal and the girl with the perfect smile was back with the boy who hit her. When through a mixed drink, he looked awfully good for me. His hands played me like they did his guitar. But he was a quick fix instead of a permanent solution.

5

The boy with brown eyes and soft hair and good music taste. I met him within a few months when the brown eyed boy was wasting his second chances and the girl with braces was finally getting help and the girl with a perfect smile told me she was in love with me and the boy with rum never replied to my text message. When he was taken with me but taken by her. He wanted a non-commital commitment for maybe someday. But I didn't want maybe someday.

6

The boy with tan skin and wise eyes and guitars. I met him within a few weeks when the brown eyed boy was pushing me away and the girl with braces was smiling more and the girl with a perfect smile was in love with her best friend and the boy with rum's voice was hard to remember and the boy with good music taste broke up with his girlfriend. When he I heard him really sing for the first time in a song he wrote about our little dead end town. I heard his warm voice through my headphones and I knew I had to connect with him. He told me he was going to make me feel like the most beautiful creature on earth. I'll admit he came pretty damn close. He craved my touch and my taste and my pulse but we could never get close enough for either of us to be satisfied. Then he had a change of heart.

7

The boy with brown eyes who had the distant heart, then a comfortable girl, then regrets, then second chances, then pushed me away. He never really cared about me as much as he did the night he wanted my heart back. He got it back then gave it back. Back to square one. One second chance. Chances he wasted. Wasted my own damn time. Time and time again. Again, I leave him behind.

8

The girl with the braces who taught lessons on loss, who was suicidal, who got help, who smiled more. She never really needed me as much as she did the nights she was running from her what scared her. Her words always came out perfectly when she wanted what she wanted. Wanted her to be mine again. Again, I wanted to hear her say she loved me more than anything. Anything I did for her was never going to be enough. Enough of trying to be someone I wasn't.

9

The girl with the perfect smile who went back to the boy who hit her and told me she was in love with me and was in love with her best friend. I was never her only one. I was never her only other one. One of a million when she was my one in a million. Millions of other people were waiting in line to take my place when she was done with my love. Love that she would take from me without second thought. Thought she was different. Different face, same old heartbreak.

10

The boy with rum who never replied to my text messages, whose voice was hard to remember. I spent five days wanting to see what could happen, five minutes changing my mind, five seconds getting over whatever speck he was. Was he ever worth the time? Time will pass and I'll forget his name.

11

The boy with good music taste who left his girlfriend. All he swore he wanted after that was fun. Funny how now he wants a serious relationship but not a serious girl. Girls are lining up to be another one on his list of "maybe"s. Maybe just wasn't enough for someone like me who needed someone who knew what they wanted. Wanted to let go of everything we could have had. Had him stuck in my head and on the tip of my tongue like a bad aftertaste.

12

The boy with tan skin and wise eyes and guitars. He was my favorite but I have a hard time admitting that to myself because he was the one that got to change his mind. Mind you, I was all set to give him everything I had. Had he asked me, I'd be his. His first mistake was keeping all the notches on his bedpost in the same small town where everyone knows everything. Everything he said he wanted, craved, needed from me disappeared faster than my hopes for us that got stacked much too high for me to have thought they wouldn't come crashing down hard. Hardly anything special and yet it was the most real thing I can remember feeling. Feelings got hurt, everything changed, life continued like it always does. Does he ever think of me?

13

The boy with brown eyes. The girl with braces. The girl with a perfect smile. The boy with rum. The boy with good music taste. The boy with tan skin and wise eyes and guitars. Brown eyes hasn't spoken to me in weeks although I'm not sure who started it. It took time to see but the girl with braces needed someone who was going to be her doll and I have never been one to stay where I was told to. To say the girl with a perfect smile meant to hurt me isn't the truth, she never meant to do anything because I didn't mean anything. Anything I ever shared with the boy with rum has faded faster than it took for me to say this. This boy with good music taste makes me cry everytime I see him because even if he's not what I needed, he's still what I wanted. Wanting to pretend I kept myself in check didn't get me far with the boy with tan skin and wise eyes and guitars, did it? It got me hurt. Hurt over and over and over when I should've known better. Better that I hurt than feel nothing? Nothing I say could ever express how much I'd rather feel nothing. Nothing left to say.