10 p.m.

It’s 10 p.m.

The lights are off.

My house is quiet.

The silence is always what gets me.

It pulls me in

and it gets my brain moving.

It’s 10 p.m.

My brain is on.

It is not quiet

I started to think of you…

I told myself I hate you.

That is a lie.

It is 10 p.m.

and all I am doing

is lying to myself.

It’s 10 p.m.

I want my lies

to be the truth.

I want so badly

to despise you,

to wish you out of my life,

to wish you’d never been there in the first place…

It’s 10 p.m.

I want your name to have never been added to my phone.

I want your number to have never been saved.

I want to have never trusted you…

I want to never have loved you…

It’s 10 p.m.

I want to make bad decisions.

I want to text you,

to call you,

to scream at you

to see me,

to see the hurt you have caused me.

It’s 10 p.m

and I’m wishing I’d never met you.

I am wishing

that you’d be here for me.

Both at the same time.

It’s 10 p.m.

I have tears streaming down my face.

I have hurt burning my heart.

I have your memory scalding my brain.

It’s 10 p.m.

and I need you,

but I know

you don’t care.

It’s 10 p.m

and all I can do

is cry

because of you.