1/2 of 2019

Where the fuck is your fight? 

Why are you so relaxed in times when my skull is cracking open? 

I feel my veins separating as my blood heats up 

My bones shifting under my toughened skin

The strings in my heart skewing and my stomach chewing itself up 

As Sylvia said I have let many things slip

And you were one of the things I refused to. 

But what can I say I run hot as a fever and the only time you did was when I was on top of you 

The silence and lack of interest in breathing that you contained 

Less of a muse to me and more of a visit to see my fathers grandma 

I don’t want to lay in bed and gain weight

I want to sail a boat and move to a new city 

I consider myself so grateful to have known you 

And I consider myself so grateful to be swimming alone