12 Steps

Broken home, a broken promise, broken bottle of green tinted glass
Stayed up late to watch over you, now I’m dozing off in class
A thousand of your empty words cutting me like a blade
I don’t think you notice, I don’t care, know if you did it’d only fade

You’re sprawled across the couch with a glass dipping in your hand
It dances, tipsy on its fragile stem, and falls when it cannot stand
Red like blood spreads across the carpet, red as blood and sin
And I will scrub it clean before you wake, won’t invite arguments in

You make so many empty promises you never intend to keep
And still I hope and pray and wish, but in the end I always weep
I’m curled up in my shredded dreams under heavy blankets of sorrow
I know that when I fall asleep each night, I’m already dreading tomorrow

I don’t know why I still trusted you when I knew you lied
I guess I hoped there’d be some love hidden deep inside
I wish you could choose me over the bottle in your hand
But you won’t. I know. I guess I understand.

Why would you want me? Its obvious I’m something wrong.
Am I the reason that you drink? Am I why you are not strong?
It must be so, I must be so, I must be why you do
I’m so sorry, didn’t realize, didn’t mean to ruin you

But no you chose to pick up that glass and I didn’t choose to be born
I didn’t cause the bags under your eyes that you’ve always worn
You’re lost and I get that but you were supposed to be guiding me
And now I’ve been set lose in wild waters, in stormy raging sea

We live apart, it should be alright, I know I should move on
But I can’t shake off the me you’ve made, the protective mask I don
When people ask about future kids, I recoil and start to shake
The life you’ve made for me is a nightmare but real and I cannot wake

I will not raise a kid for risk I’ll be like you
I could not be a mother; I could not do as you do
You are more than just my past; you’ve shaped all I can be
And I just hope there’s not any of you in me

You denied me security, you were a wild card
I had nowhere to come back to when the world was hard
And then it shattered and so did I and I knew naught but pain
And silver danced across my skin and there was scarlet rain

You didn’t see the scars, you didn’t see the tears
You don’t see how you are the root of so many fears
You don’t understand why I don’t trust, why I hate to open up
You don’t care that I was far too young when you made me grow up

And now whenever I see a happy family, I remember what I lost
I remember what I never had, I remember the cost
I remember that you did more than just take from me
You’ve changed who I am and who I’ll ever be

I’m broken and that’s not your fault, but you can’t say you helped
Perhaps you did your best with the hand you had been dealt
But I wish you had tried your hand at recovery
Wish you had taken those 12 steps for me

 
 

 

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